Out of Town Hashing Opportunities

*** The following is a dramatization. Try reading this out loud by
shouting in your R. Lee Ermey Drill Instructor voice and it will make
more sense. If you find any of the following offensive, you probably
shouldn't be signing up for the DC Red Dress Run. ***

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP YOU MAGGOTS! I KNOW YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF SISSIES
WHO GO HOME AND DRESS UP IN YOUR MAMA'S UNDERWEAR AND DRESSES AND I
THINK IT'S DISGUSTING. THE ONLY WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS IS TO GET IT OUT
IN THE OPEN. SO GRAB THAT SLINKY SEQUINED NUMBER YOU STOLE OUT OF YOUR
MAMA'S CLOSET WHEN YOU WERE 17 AND GET YOUR FIFTH POINT OF CONTACT ON
DOWN TO DR. DREMO'S ON SATURDAY 1 OCTOBER 2005 FOR THE 12TH ANNUAL DC
RED DRESS RUN.

http://dchashing.com/dcreddress/

That's right, this year's DC Red Dress Run is our "Dirty Dozen." Just
like the movie. No, the one with Lee Marvin and Telly Savalas, not
that disgusting little bukkake film you made when you were just out of
college and desperate for rent money.

If we're going to help you come to terms with this cross-dressing
habit of yours, we're going to do it right. We will use a combination
of beer and sweat. To get started, you will report to Dr. Dremo at
1200 hrs on Saturday, 1 October 2005. You will place your baggage,
physical and emotional, on the bag vehicle and you will begin the
consumption of beer. And then you will run.

Now listen up while we do a little role playing to prepare you for
your therapy.

Me: What is the magic number?
You: 12
Me: NO! Twelve is a great number. Twelve is the number of eggs in a
carton, the number of original colonies, the age of that hooker you
bought in Thailand, and the number of inches you think you measure.
However, twelve is not the magic number for this year's DC Red Dress
Run. That number is 500. This group therapy is tough stuff. This
year's event will be limited to 500 of you maggots. There will be no
begging and no day-of walkins. Sign up now or sit home sniveling like
the little sissy that you are. To register go to http://dchashing.com/dcreddress/

  - fill out the form and bring your money to a local hash. Listen for
someone yelling "Red Dress Registration". This is free.
  - fill out the form and mail it to the address on the form. This
costs $.37 and supports your Uncle Sam.
  - click through to Active.com and register online. It's fast, it's
convenient and it costs you $5. You get to pony up the service fee for
the luxury of this convenience. If you want to save $5, use your
tongue. Not on us, but on a stamp.

Register now through 1 August (or until full) at $60 (not including
Active.com fees). After 1 August, register for $70. When you
register, you may opt to purchase a cool Dirty Dozen t-shirt with
graphics by White Kane. This is NOT the giveaway and is an additional
cost of $15.

To register for this event, your sorry excuse for a hasher must have
been existing on this earth for at least the last 21 years. We will
require proof of age at sign-in.


That was fun. Let's try more role playing.

Me: Where will you be at 1200 hrs on 1 October?
You: At Dr. Dremo's!
Me: And what will you be wearing?
You: A red dress!
Me: Good. And where will you be at 1800 hrs on 1 October?
You: At Dr. Dremo's!
Me: NO! This trail is A to B. The end is nowhere near the start. Pay
attention or this fact has serious potential to ruin your day and
mine.
  - The start is metro accessible. The end is metro accessible. Use metro.
  - Do not drive to the start and park. You will not end near your
car. You should not be driving on a day like that anyway. If you do
drive to the start, you will end your day stranded, drunk, and ugly.
If you take my advice and metro, you will still be drunk, you will
still be ugly, but you will not be stranded.
  - There will be a bag vehicle to transport your precious belongings
from the start to the end.
  - The walkers will have an actual trail to follow. It is about 4
miles long, but it will get you to the beer check and the end. We'll
give you metro/cab hints at the beer check if you want to bring your
metro card or some cash.


I'm tired of this play acting and my beer is empty. Let's recap what
we've learned today:

1. You have a red dress. You need our help. If you have trouble
understanding this, take your lacy, gloved finger out of your a$$ and
point to each word as you read it out loud.

2. We can help you solve your problem. Come to the DC Red Dress Run on
1 October 2005 to get this resolved.
    Start:
      Dr. Dremo's
      2001 Clarendon Blvd
      Arlington VA 22201
      (metro to Courthouse on the Orange Line)

      Kegs tapped at 1200 hrs, therapy begins
      Circle at 1500 hrs, therapy continues

    End:
      Somewhere else metro accessible
      Taps close at 2000 hrs, continue your therapy elsewhere

    You will get:
      - group therapy
      - beer
      - dinner
      - beer
      - DJ and dancing
      - a kick-ass giveaway
      - beer
      - resolution to your internal conflicts*

3. The trail is A to B. You should not drive to the start, leave your
crap in your car and expect your car to magically meet you at the end.
Do we look like valets?

4. Registration is limited to 500. Sign up early.

5. Paper is better than the internet unless you're talking about p*rn.

6. Registration costs $60 until 1 August, $70 until the day of or full.
Active.com fees are additional.

7. We're here to help.


The Dirty Dozen Mismanagement
"Serve them! Circle them! Dress them in red! Then turn them loose on the city!"


* Resolution to internal conflicts not guaranteed