ReHash #242
Date:  July 13, 2002, 4:00 pm
Hares:  Hot Wax Me Off and Hot Tub "Trust Me I am Lawyer" Slut
Theme:  Hot as Hades Hash (plus a cool tank top)
Appointed Rehash Scribe:  Bodie, soon to be known as "Four Paws," "Loves to Lick", or "Always looking to Lick"


Translation:
It was my first hash.  I did not know what the person my family trusted me to for the weekend was taking me to, I was hoping it was that food called hash.  I LOVE FOOD!  Except for that dry kibble I get EVERY damn day--imagine drinking NA beer and nothing else but stale popcorn and an occassional dropped cracker or spilled human baby food!  It sniffs ass!

People told me I was a natural hasher because I showed up late for my first hash.  When I got to the parking lot of 4th and Plum, everyone was crammed together.  I figured someone was in heat since Hot Tub Slut was in a parking lot surrounded by drunks.  Or maybe they were eating something that had died--that is what packs do, right?  I am caged up in a back yard all of the time so I have only heard about what packs do through the annoying suburban dog bark grapevine.  Either they all ate the dead thing or someone quickly got out of "heat" (the sight of some of those male strays would certainly quickly cease my biological cycle!).

A guy name When Hairy Met Chunky, who certainly was not as hairy as me grabbed my leash and took me to a plop of flour mixed with jello.  FOOD!  I LOVE FOOD! I wanted to eat it but he would not let me.  He said, "Bodie, go find more!"  I thought, "Ok, if you say so Mr., but when do I get that candy you promised if I would go with you?" Everyone was on the search ran two blocks towards the empty stadium (by the way, why do I get a 2 foot by 4 foot metal cage every night when 8 men get to play in an exclusive stadium which is ALWAYS empty?  I just do not understand humans.)

At the intersection everyone just stood in the middle of it looking at each other; kind of like obedience school for ugly mutts, you know.  Everyone was waiting for Fudge Tracker to check all 3 routes.  Hmmm, since humans are so stupid, why am I the one who has to wear a leash???  Fudge Tracker finally found the next plop of wasted food.  Then we all stood around the next intersection figuring out what do next.  Good thing there were no lemmings around since we would surely have followed them into the nearby water.  Then some of us went into the underground car route that was empty. Chunky got tired and left me with Scooby Do Me.  He was not a dog, but then again, I have never seen who he hangs out with on Hash weekends.  He sure was slow.  We went from the back of the underground dead end route on Second Street to the front twice.  Which way did he go?  Which way did he go? Which way did he go?

Then we went down this narrow road to the river.  We saw a black man passed out along the river.  Someone told me he was fishing.  I guess I look like I am fishing every afternoon then.  There sure was a lot of garbage along the river.  Hmmm.  I LOVE FOOD!  But the guy who took me next (animals!), would not let me stop to lick the dead stuff. Is this the what humans do on the weekends for fun?

Then we came to the Chili Fest. FOOD!  I LOVE FOOD!  I think i will cool down and treat myself to some of that spilled stuff......ahhhhh!  bad idea.  I am going to stick to kibble.  The pack split up.  Still no sign of Vommitt Dog, Schnort, or In A Heartbeat's Viva Gordita.

Then P.O. volunteered to take my leash.  The Pack had split up in the middle of the Chilli Fest.  Some went by the Lytle Place Tower water fountain, some went towards Mt. Adams.  Obviously these people could not survive in the wild by their sense of smell, direction, or communication skills.  P.O. took me into the rest room to give me some water.  Thanks, man.  Triple X was with us, but she left P.O. and did not leave any pack marks for us to follow.   (I don't know, P.O., I just get the sense she is tired of you sneaking over to her house at night.)  Maybe she left us because of the time you were rubbing her dog, Owen, on the tummy and you seriously asker her about his furry belly button but it was not his belly button?  (true story, friends!)

Then I took my first elevator ride.  Twice, thanks to P.O.'s sense of direction.  Since I have been living life on a couch in suburbia for the last 2 years, I never developed my hound dog skills, so I could not figure out where to go.  As best as I could tell, half of the half minds went one way, half went another way, and half were chasing their tales.   I told P.O. I was above this stupidity and wanted to go find a couch to lie on in the heat.  We bumped into Bark Buffer (he never barked, but he did complain of being dogged by cute fifi).  I was about to lift my leg on a orange barrel by the First Star Center, but he stopped me and pulled out some water and beer hidden beneath it.  Yeah!  I LOVE WATER!  Maybe I could bury a bone in that hiding spot some time.

Well then we went though the Federal Building.  I can not read so I had no idea there was a  No Dogs sign.  We walked back in the heat to the parking lot where we started.  There was my friend Fudge Tracker!  Where was everyone else?  Hot Tub and Hot Hot Wax CAME in.  P.O. went to the second BN which had something like hot sauce and vodka stored in a back alley.  (You know you are going to have to start going to those daily meetings once you are anxious to drink that crap in a back alley, you know, P.O.!)  Then Fudge took me to the top of the building and I got thown in the pool.  WOW, I needed that.  Sorry I left less hair in it than you people are used to in the average hash hot tub.

The circle commenced:

Fucks for an A had to drink for getting hit by a car on his bicycle trip to the hash and not immediately referring Hot Tub's only business lead for the month.

PO had to drink for having a private party with me.

Unalicker had to drink for saying "death Maouch" instead of "Death march".

Jeff had to drink for being named Accuntant (don't worry kid, someday your voice will change and you will get rid of that faggy laugh.)

Bark Buffer and Unalicker had to drink for headgear.

Hot Tub had to drink for lying about the weather--the Hot as Hades Hash was about as warm as a neutered poodle.

Off Like a Prom Dress said, "What Trail?"

AV had to drink for wearing bicycle fag tights (that is more gross than dogs sniffing buts, ok?  Get on all fours next time.)

Gourmet had to drink for taking picture of AV's tight shorts (I heard PO say, "I am not going to tell you again, XXX, that is a winter wool sock in there, ok?")

Triple X shouted, "Where's Wile-E?"  So you know what happened next.
(PO, I just do not get the feeling you are getting invited over anymore, I hate to break it to you.)

A bunck of people got their picture taken with the Billy Graham bus stop sign.  I guess they forgot to get their pictures taken while attending his visit.

Reggie the virgin won the prike for collecting the most souvenirs on trail (that looked like a scam to me).

I drank some of Hot Wax's beer but then she busted me.  I do not know if she finished it.

There were lots of crumbs of chips and HOT salsa on the ground.  LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK LICK

The circle broke up when half of the dogs went up to see the girl by the pool who was not wearing a bra.  She left as soon as Slut and Fudge went up to her (You old dogs really need to get neutered for the sake of the pack, ok?)

People who had strayed from home or been abandoned for being uncontrollable/untrainable:

Amelia NHN Roberts
Anal Vice
Baby Ball Barrister
Bark Buffer
Beat It
Best Blow
Blue Balls
Can't Get Up
Certified Pubic Accuntant
Curdled Cum
Dah Gimp
Do You Feel Peter
Drop Shorts
Fagwhore
Famunda
Fourgasm
Fucking Nothing
Fucks For A Name
Fudge Tracker
Gas Hole
Gourmet
Hot Tub Slut
Hot Wax Me Off
John NHN Simmons
Little Ho' On The Side
Long Dong Silver
MegaTwat
Mystic Blow
Neon Knockers
Off Like A Prom Dress
Pinocchio Fucks Chickens
Pubic Offender
Pubic Zirconia
Pussy Foot
Reggie NHN Fortson
Scooby Doo Em
Skid Marks
Slippery Asshole
Smegma
Special Blow
Stacy NHN Stuck
Stinky Winkie
stroX coX baXwards
The Unalicker
When Hairy Met Chunky
Who Da Fuck?
Wouldn't You Like To Be In Joy