Hash # 258
Saturday, Oct. 19
Location: C.O. Harrison School
Hares: Hot Tub Slut (his 36th lay – I thought he’d have had many more in his lifetime than 36) & Tit’n & Spit’n (his VIRGIN lay)
Hash Scribe: Neon Knockers


WEST SIDE STORY

So, we can’t have EVERY hash on the EAST side because it’s more convenient to the multitude of our Sin City hashing population!!! The WEST side is like uncharted territory (well, some of it) as we can probably count on our ten fingers (and maybe get a little help from a few toes) the hashes that have been on the WEST side – at least in my hashing career. Besides, being from KY means almost ALL the hashes are somewhat far away – especially if you end up doing down downs. So I hitched up my wagon and headed north for my route to the west, ready to go exploring – I mean, the Nov. 2 hash is in MILFORD – now that’s really convenient…Westward HO!….

The weather kind of sucked on that morning and I figured that would subtract about 10 hashers + it’s on the WEST side – there go about 10 more, so when I arrived, the number of hashers who had loaded up their covered wagons and made the trek to the west side looked just about right. Do you want to know who was there? Should have come then – ok, I’ll tell you anyway – in attendance were:

Beat It
Becky NHN Bellman
Blue Balls
Butt Digger
Dah Gimp
Drop Shorts
Eats It Raw
Fourgasm
Fucking Nothing
Fudge Tracker
Gas Hole
Heather NHN Bolton
Hot Tub Slut
Hot Wax Me Off
Kremey In The Middle
Neon Knockers
Off Like A Prom Dress
Pubic Zirconia
Quarter Barrel
Richard NHN Homlar
SCH4nort
Scooby Doo 'Em
Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac
Skid Marks
Stinky Winkie
The Unalicker
Tit'n 'n' Spit'n
Vommitt Dog
Wile E. Coyote


HTS and Tit’n & Spit’n were whispering last minute instructions. Chalk talk, and then an attempt at hugging all the female hashers (used Sweetest Day as their excuse) but we told them the clock was running and they took off – I mean really flew and I think it was the rush they got from all the hugs!!! They headed straight for some woods behind the school. After a rather pathetic “Father Abraham” led by Fudge Tracker, who needs to practice in front of a mirror at home before we let him do that again, we took off after the hares. Behind the school through a field and into the woods. Then we had a lot of slippery mud, rocks, trails, roots, & the usual water hazards until we just about had the muddy/dirty look down right. We were trailblazers, pioneers, discovering uncharted territory, staking our claims to anything without a “KEEP OUT” or “NO TRESPASSING” sign. Course the weather that day didn’t help – the hares probably loved that because it did slow us down on the slippery trails. But we didn’t care – we were the brave, the adventurous, the ones with nothing better to do with our Saturday afternoon than go exploring in the part of town where the folks there are heard to say “West Is Best”.

HTS gave me a map to talk about the trail in the rehash, but over a week later it doesn’t make much sense to me. Certainly he knows that even after all these hashes I can’t talk sensibly about what streets we ran down and can never remember the corners where the checks were laid. Who cares anyway? We did run near Mt. St. Joe College & through a cemetery that took us back into the woods for the first BN – about time! Schnort and 1/4 Barrel were nowhere to be found and then finally showed up – wonder where they were?…alone…just the 2 of them…. Before that Beat It and a few other stragglers showed up and Beat It herself admitted to whining on trail – something about how I, Neon, mislead them at the start – all because Gashole told us to go back and I just passed along the word, then tried to tell them to come back but they didn’t listen…just trying to be helpful. I think she was just unhappy to be carrying the crutch she earned at the hyper two nights prior. ANYWAY, we had beer, water and chocolate – including chocolate kisses as it was sweetest day – those guys, they are just SO thoughtful (of course, later, Lube My Johnson showed up but didn’t get any chocolate at the BN because UnaLicker took the bag with her and tried to keep it all to use for Halloween trick-or-treaters – get your OWN candy!).

After the BN we headed out of the woods, up a really steep drive to a nursing/retirement home past an ancient little cemetery and back into the woods along some ridge and through woods and up a very LONG, very ROCKY creek. I guess it was kind of like what the settlers who headed west must have faced – you know, as they reached the edge of the Grand Canyon and said HOLY SH*T Mother! (that’s what the men-folk called their women – if they had young’uns of course). It really was very cool and was a great shig trail. Vommit was heard (by me of course) to say: “I love this kind of trail!” I have to agree with Vommit – trails that include this kind of terrain are what make hashing more unique than your regular run. It was really damp out, the ground was really muddy and we were pretty dirty but it was great!!

I didn’t have a clue where we were but still made it to the On-In at Linnie’s Pub. Must have looked really bad – first thing the bartender said was – “Do you want a towel?” Linnie’s is a small, narrow bar, a bit too nice for us considering how dirty we were, but I think we amused the other patrons a little – MOST OF THEM….I didn’t see this happen, but apparently, HTS spilled or threw some beer on this big guy and the big guy wasn’t too happy about it. Boy, I’ll bet Hot Tub was happy he was surrounded by about 20 other hashers! (More on that later!)

CIRCLE UP!

Hares in the circle – what did we think of this trail?
The usual comments – too wet, too muddy, too rocky, etc.
Failed Attempt #1 for a song: Gimp – can’t think of a single song so Ziggy Zaggy – then we sing Shitty Trail (maybe that beer helped loosen up his brain)

Virgins: Richard – made to cum by Blue Balls & Becky – Scum Sucking Fecal (give him a shorter name) Feliac made her cum.

Note: Fudge Tracker is the apprentice Religious Advisor (Monk) today
Fudge Tracker messes up in the circle for the 1st time – Ziggy Zaggy

Failed Attempt #2 for a song: Blue Balls – give us a song ….but..l don’t know any…Ziggy Zaggy then HE remembers one …Why Were They Born So Beautiful…

Hare Crimes: Crummy erections for the Dayton-ers “THEM, THEM….”

Pack Crimes – SO MANY!

Beat It – MGN
Wax Off – Did a Ziggy Zaggy for something (I didn’t write it down things were moving toooo fast)
Heather (NHN) – No whistle
Vommit – no whistle or just guilt by association….Vommit is heard to comment in perfect Vommit style “I’VE BEEN SABATOGED”.
Beat it – AGAIN!!! – this time, for wearing a shirt with the name David Nelson on it (is that one of Ozzie & Harriet’s sons??)
Drop Shorts – Sitting in circle (lazy!!)
Blue Balls – because of Beat It…when one beer bitch drinks…
Eats It Raw – Latecummer
Butt Digger – Latecummer
Da Gimp - Latecummer – now that’s different
Scooby Do ‘Em – Latecummer
Lube My Johnson – Latcummer – next time don’t run all the way from Indianapolis and think you’re going to make it on time!

Failed Attempt #3 for a song: F#*king Nothing – Ziggy Zaggy then 20 Toes – funny how that ziggy zaggy thing gets the song memory going.

Fu#*ing Nothing – No whistle…What a Wank
Skid Marks – Lost watch on trail (Note: Skid Marks was telling me his sad story of losing the watch while we were still on trail and I tried to comfort him, knowing how hard it is to not be upset when you lose valuables like that – he even wanted to go back to look for it but I persuaded him not to. LUCKILY, Gashole found it – or at least he had it in the circle….I don’t know if everyone was aware of this but Skid Marks paid about $14.99 for that watch about 6 or 7 years ago!! THANKS to whoever found it!)

Who gets the dreaded crutch this week? Why, it’s Da Gimp!


Then it comes down to little Wile Jr., still with me,,but SURELY someone did SOMETHING terrible to deserve the little guy. Sure ‘nuff Vommit nominates Hot Tub Slut for throwing beer on the unsuspecting bar patron and sure ‘nuff, we all agree HTS should carry Wile for a while. Sorry Wile, but you two were just made for each other. After all, now you can have Mini Me around to keep you company….

Sweetest Day – so all the cute couples get in the circle so we can sing to you:

The hares – they look so cute together
Beat It & Blue Balls
Vommit & Heather
Drop Shorts & Skid Marks
Eats It Raw & Butt Digger
HTS & Hot WAX Me OFF
The 2 virgins – for being a virginal couple for the day

No Down Downs – Now do a down down:
Off Like A Prom Dress
Scum Sucking Fecal Feliac

I don’t know what we sang because we ran out of songs – SMEGMA …Where the hell are you?!?!?!

Circle closed at 7:24 pm (thanks HTS) and I’m headin’ east then south! Neon