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NOTE: Now that Stinky Winky and his
lovely hasher bride 69a are back from their trip to Italy - which he
bragged on and on about, where are you going to go next year for your 2nd
anniversary – you’ll have to top Italy - you’re finally getting the rehash.
I’m sorry you had to wait so long – I know you were waiting….. Rehash Of The Flasher Hash – Saturday, November 16, 2002 Hash Location – Woodlawn Hash Hares – Gourmet and Eats It Raw starring as “Flasher Hashers” And now, for your reading enjoyment – the 2 or 3 of you who are reading the rehashes Well, another fine day in the city that has its share of gloomy, cold, windy days in November – today being one of them. Hashers standing around – I mean jumping around to stay warm – some of them were so smart they wore long coats over their running attire – no, wait, we were SUPPOSED to dress as flashers today as our hares were our Sin City hash flashes – you know, the guys who jump in front of you on trail and take pictures at the worst possible moment, and don’t even take into consideration which side is your best side. Think I’m kidding? Take a look at some of the pictures in those albums! I know there are some very unflattering ones – how come we never make them drink for taking bad pictures?!? Who wanted to get a little fresh. Cold air in their lungs today? ATTENDEES Anal Vice Beat It Best Blow Blue Balls Corrie NHN Vuckovich Dah Gimp Eats It Raw Famunda Fatal Fart Gas Hole God Damn Sandwich Got Crabs? Gourmet Hot Tub Slut Hot Wax Me Off Kathleen NHN Palomino Kunt Hunt Mystic Blow Neon Knockers Off Like A Prom Dress On Her Knees Organ Grinder Pubic Zirconia SCH4nort Up The Ass Stinky Winkie stroX coX baXwards The Unalicker Wile E. Coyote SO after a little Father Abraham to warm us up – “AV, why are you wearing jeans to run in?” “Big fat ankle..” as he pulls up the pant leg to show off his ankle sprain. “How’d that happen” ,…”Training Run..” I’m sure he meant “Trail Planning Run”…… And we’re off like the pack of hounds we are. Behind the strip mall and down a long gravel road. CHECK at the road and when I arrive (a little behind, but a little ahead in the socializing) most of the pack is down the road to the left….then I hear them yell BC. SO everyone wanders up and down and up and down and up and down looking for one little mark. As I trot down the road to investigate Da Gimp (unbelievable but he’s still with the pack!) yells “Go back Neon, it’s a YBF”. That explains a lot and Off Like A Prom Dress has some explaining to do because she told us it was a BC – guess she thought she was in Dayton when she saw those 3 lines. NOTE: This early into the trail we notice that Schnort has disappeared – she went back to watch football on TV. That’s the most exact part of trail I can recount – just know we hit the shiggy then. On trails, off trails, through fields that had something planted there at one time but now just had stick-like things sticking up all over the place….hmmm do I run through them, will I trip on them? Eventually we get to the BEER NEAR. Nice of the hares to haul in those stone pieces for benches . “Beer Henge” – Stinky Winky comments. Unalicker, who was late and caught us at that BC/YBF mistake, had finally finished thanking everyone for leaving good pack arrows – I don’t think she thanked me but maybe she noticed I wasn’t carrying chalk. Now, we don’t really know what started it, but she and Gashole were having a very private conversation and she started laughing and getting louder and louder and I said, “Unalicker, if you keep laughing like that you’ll start crying next” It was that I’m tired, I’m rushed, I’m in need of something something something kind of laughing and believe me, all eyes were now on Unalicker & Gashole because we all wanted to know what the something something something was. More trails and fields of sticks and surprise surprise, a water crossing IN NOVEMBER. A few brave hashers just plunged right into the icy water while the rest of us sissies tried and tried and tried to find a way across without getting our shoes/socks/feet/legs etc. wet. We tried throwing in rocks, planks of wood, building a raft, rigging a pulley system over the creek (NOTE: from now on someone must carry rope on trail) all to no avail. So, I took off my shoes to take off my socks and take out the beloved orthotics (thanks for the idea Famunda) and inched my way across. This is where those unflattering pictures come in as Best Blow – a hash flash in training today takes my picture in a most unflattering pose, with gloves stuck in the top of my tights and my hat shoved inside my fleece top. Can’t wait to see that one. On the other side, after putting my footgear back in order, I was all alone and worked my way out of the shiggy and there’s Gashole, trotting down the road in my direction. WOW, I thought, maybe they sent him back to search for me. Then I got a grip on reality. “Did you go the wrong way?” I asked. Gashole says, “I went around”. I guess my brain was frozen from my dip in the creek because I didn’t realize he meant he went ALL THE WAY AROUND TO FIND A WAY BACK WITHOUT CROSSING THE CREEK. Maybe he can’t swim and was afraid he might slip on the rocks and fall in. I guess those were the trail highlights except when we arrived back at the start – that’s always a highlight. Now, I have 4 and ½ pages of notes from the on in and there’s no way I can deal with 4 more pages of this, and I’m sure you’re bored by now, so I’ll hit the highlights. “AV, how was trail” He says, “Great, I snared the hares as they came off the trail”. Pretty good for a guy who didn’t run trail today. I turn around and WOWEE, did you see Gourmet’s Jock strap?!? I GUESS that was supposed to be part of his flasher costume – either that or he got dressed in the dark today. Dick The Phone is one lucky hasher (or I thought so till the socks used for stuffing came out of the jock strap). Today’s MONK – Got Crabs How was trail? Too dry, No Flashing, Virgins/Visitors: Kathleen and Corey (sp?) Not sure if they were virgins because they both hashed in Dayton before. Both made to come by Gimp (Guess that’s why he stayed with the pack part of the time – he was probably tired) Hare Crimes: What does “on over” mean….(XXX did something here but I don’t know what) , too many boob checks, creek crossing IN NOV. Eats It Raw tries to cover for their mistakes by saying “You should’a seen the trail we were GONNA give you” yeah, right, big words…. Crimes: Gashole and his dry shoes Schnort – starting out on trail, then going back because she’d rather watch football on TV at the on in bar…… Then, watching TV in circle, Schnort does a Ziggy Zaggy and still tries to watch the game. Some really lame college teams were playing and Schnort, cannot contain herself – we try to help her but then realize it’s hopeless and let her go. I tried to tell her how shameful that is but all she can do is excitedly tell me how some guy in the bar bought her a beer while we were running our you know what’s off and she was sitting on hers. Well, I have to tell you, seems like the circle became all about Schnort at that point. Keep reading. Off Like A Prom Dress & Da Gimp – calling a YBF a BC. Gimp protested, but we made him drink anyway. Mystic & AV – warming up in the car after trail while waiting for the rest of the pack…yeah, I’ll bet they did some warming up. I think AV (who didn’t run trail) and still needed some exercise was already warmed up and just had to wait for Mystic to warm up. (It’s not my fault that I wrote that I asked Mystic in the circle what they did in the car to keep warm). Hot Tub Slut – wears a “walking” hat when he KNOWS we’re a running club with a drinking problem Da Gimp – for abandoning his virgins/visitors on trail !!! Does that really surprise us? And the pack cries out:”OHHHHH NOOOOOO GIMMMMMPPPPP!!!!! Got Crabs – trying to make the hares drink for not wearing whistles (like they need them so they can blow them on trail to help us find them) Latecummers: Unalicker, NHN Phil, Hot Wax Me Off, Neon – I need to get moving on hash days- this is becoming way too common. Missing the BN: HTS, Da Gimp (went back after we told him where it was and had a beer), Schnort (obviously had a BN of her own) and AV Analversaries: 5 - Phil NHN Bates 30 – StroX CoX BaXwards 110 – Organ Grinder 115 – Organ Grinder 120 – Gashole 150 – Best Blow 175 – Da Gimp Da Gimp – No Centurian mug All Centurians Drink – we’re getting to be a big club: AV, Mystic, Neon Knockers, Da Gimp, HTS, Hot Wax Me Off, Gashole, Gourmet, Stinky Winkie, Best Blow, Organ Grinder NOTE: Organ Grinder tells me that his “wife” puts his centurian mug in the dishwasher and that’s why it looks so shiny and new. So I’m trying it and the mug better not fall apart! Another Hare Crime – Unalicker said Eats It Raw tries to get her to not have any crimes against him. Then, thanks to Best Blow, I learn that Unalicker used a MGN at the BN – funny how those enforcers of the law think they are just so above criminal activity and try to get away with crimes of their own – but NOT WITH THE HASHERS….we’re too clever for you. Who Gets The Crutch?? Well, since we have all been so annoyed by Schnort and her fascination with football on TV AND since technically she was the first one in AND since we just feel like it, although it’s the guys’ turn to get it, she gets it. We remind her not to take it canoeing. Who Gets Wile? GASHOLE, GASHOLE, GASHOLE, GASHOLE..chants the crowd. Why? For not getting his feet wet, of course, and plus we just think Wile will look so cute hanging around with Gashole. Gashole is afraid his daughter will want to play with Wile….maybe the two of them can practice hashing together,….you know, since he still needs to set a Saturday trail sometime in the next 10 years, he can practice at home and she can carry Wile for him. (I tell him on the side that Wile doesn’t mind living in the trunk of the car). Announcements – something about a F_ _ _ Michigan hash but I’m so sick of football now that I won’t talk about it. Plus the usual announcements. So we need a name for Phil NHN Bates. Oh, it would be so simple to call him the first name anyone shouts out …Mystic says “Master Bates”…..the crowd seems to love it, but for some reason, I can’t fathom, AV’s not crazy about it…..and Organ Grinder says “Oh, I’ll bet he’s never heard that one before”. So we run through endless suggestions, all to the annoyance of Schnort who is so concentrated on the football game on TV – she just wants the circle to be over so she doesn’t have to pay attention – when did she start? Somehow we get around to Philly Cheese Steak or something like that and someone says “what’s Philly” and Schnort who has had just about enough of us by now turns around (YES…she was facing the TV)…and with one eye still on the game, spits out with disgust “OH, It’s A God Damn Sandwich!!!” The crowd goes wild, everyone loves it and suddenly, Phil NHN Bates has a new name and now he’s some kind of GD Sandwich (OK, so today’s Sunday and I’m having a bit of trouble with that name!)……Here’s to GD Sandwich he’s true blue….. BUT….as if that isn’t enough out of Schnort for the day, her beloved football team – I think that would be the UC Bearcats - (this IS Sin City, not some loser town like Cowlumbus) - are still trying to win a game and there must have been a bad play because as we’re all minding our business trying to conduct an orderly circle (?). At one point she’s heard to exclaim “OH MYG GOD, OH MY F---ing GOD!” Now, everyone looks around and it’s decided that it’s either A. Schnort “getting off” (remember, I just write what all of YOU say), or B.) Some loser football player dropping a pass in overtime – you decide. THEN…she turns around and shouts “OH…F--- me up the ass!!!” ,,,,we’re stunned, speechless, shocked…dumbfounded and ….we’ve got a new name for Schnort “ Schnort up the Ass”. Well, next time the Bearcats are playing during a hash you won’t be watching….will you. That’s about it, stay tuned for the next installment and keep reading – it keeps your mind active and don’t forget that body – hashing – Voted best way to exercise by City Beat Magazine (that’s before they really knew much about hashing). See you next time, Neon |