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Rehash of Hash #265 – The Christmas HashSaturday, December 14, 2002Hares: The Unalicker & Lube My JohnsonHash Scribe: Neon KnockersCity
sidewalks, busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style
‘Twas the 14th of December
The
hashers were gathered at the Plum Street Café for a pre-hash drink or two The party-goers included: Anal Vice Chalk talk was just too cute for words with the hare and nutcracker cut-out (SOMEONE has way too much time on their hands) – but they were darling! The hares passed out candy canes that were supposed to mean something or net you some kind of prize if you collected the most but that didn’t materialize. They even had cutout “hash blobs” and arrows and checks that they threw down on a poster type of background to show how trail would be set. And OH YES…let’s NOT forget those damn stickers. While on trail, the pack was picking them and ripping them off of doors and columns and escalator rails thinking they were supposed to collect them to win a prize. They were actually trail markers. Every time I’ve ever done a hash in downtown Sin City and we’ve gone through parking garages and/or the mall area the pack has split up and never really quite pulled it together. Tonight was no exception. I don’t know, maybe it has to do with the excitement of running around in front of all those people – maybe we just aren’t used to crowds staring at us?!?!?! Or maybe it’s the confusion over whether we should actually run or walk through stores? Or maybe it’s all the noise of the big city and the inability to hear hash whistles blowing to direct us to true trail. The group immediately gets split up, through the convention center, into Tower Place Mall with its unhappy police/security detail eyeing us suspiciously and I tell him – Oh we’re just a running group but we’ll walk inside and him saying yes…make sure you do…and I know I’m lying because half the pack is running and really doesn’t care what he’s thinking. By the time we sort of regroup in the Tower Place Mall arcade (which is more FONDLY remembered by those of us who grew up here as the Pogue’s arcade) and we’re hanging around scaring all the little kids and their parents who are waiting to sit on Santa’s lap – the kids of course, not the parents (well, maybe them too), SOMEONE decides it’s too hot and that we should go outside to wait…hmmm, wonder who THAT was. Yes, it was B-E-A-T I-T. So half of us actually follow her outside while the other half takes off in a different direction. Mass confusion around Fountain Square and I end up running with about 4 or 5 others including Golden Showers, Mystic Blow and Bark Buffer (I think – if he was with us it wasn’t for long with those legs two times as long as everyone elses) up Vine Street to the first BN – turns out we were running backwards on some pre-laid trail. So, half of us make it to the first beer near, which has to be the classiest yet & it’s in the Penthouse apartment at Garfield Place, residence of Mr & Mrs. SBDS – aka Bill & Kay Hauer – the parents of Sucks But Doesn’t Swallow. Beer, cookies, appetizers, champagne and beautiful surroundings greeted half of the pack. The other half was so confused they skipped right across Fountain Square and missed this party. SBDS’ parents were great even though Bark Buffer spilled beer on their coffee table and I think they are former “hippies” if you’ll excuse the term – Mr. SBDS had his black Birkenstocks lined up - literally – one pair for each day of the week and according to SBDS, he wears them with EVERYTHING! Including a tuxedo…….THANKS BILL & KAY!! After a leisurely BN, off we go, half a pack now, and determined to stay together. We make it to Fountain Square, have a picture check, and Poo Packer hands out jello shots – but wants a candy cane in exchange. The hares never did explain why we were supposed to collect candy canes and I don’t think anyone really did except Poo Packer. After a quick verse of “Oh Evercleer” we were off! Past Governor’s Square (is that where all the Metro buses pull up?), skipping by some lame picture check at the Federal Building? Or some such non-descript building – hey! It was dark and they all started to look the same, then to the P & G plaza area for a picture check with all the lights in the background and – another Jello shot! We’re off toward the eastern side of town and end up in Piatt Park looking EVERYWHERE for the Beer Near Wagon (FN & Drop Shorts driving around with a keg and a case and who knows what else). We’re about to give up when they show up. A most horrid “crime against nature” – I just write ‘em down – occurred when Quarter Barrel was spotted tongue-ing (I’m not even sure how to spell that) a pole!!!!!!!! After MORE refreshments we’re off again, heading toward the riverfront and Sawyer Point for a special performance dreamed up by The Unalicker – “The 12 days of Hashmas”, performed by the members of mismanagement who didn’t get lost. Then we ran like hell back to the On In because,,,well why do you think we did?…..because we wanted more refreshments!!!!!!! And we figured the other hashers might be eating all the food. Of course, they didn’t wait for us before diving into the great food prepared by The Unalicker (we were so late or they were so early getting back I can’t blame them for eating without us). Circle Time: At this point I have to admit that it became total mayhem and my Talkbook just sounds like 40 voices all talking at the same time with very few distinguishable words. I do know there were numerous hare crimes and numerous pack crimes and much eating and drinking in the circle and many private parties and I just give up. I do know there was at least one virgin because I made him cum – welcum Paul and next time you hash don’t take all the sticker – hash markers off the trail thinking you’ll get a prize (ok, so it was our fault and he just joined in with what the rest of the pack was doing). It did get him a prize – sort of – a lump of coal. Let’s see what I can remember 3 ½ weeks later: Analversaries: 10 -Hyper Hand Job One from last time – 50 -Fourgasm Happy Birthday F
U: Teflon reappeared Matt got a new name – Old St. Dickless – since he only cums (to hashes) once a year at the Christmas hash Paul - made to cum by ME! Neon Knockers Wile goes from Gashole to Beat It since she led so many of us off trail when she said Let’s go outside Jeff – our host at Head First Café gets a Nutcracker glass as a little keepsake and uses it for his down down Tight Box – weather challenged hasher gets the prize for best dressed harriette as she slithers into the circle modeling her sparkly, slinky black & silver long gown complete with a fur coat for the chilly December hashing weather – if you wore the coat for hashing you could run with us! Pubic Offender – YES …He’s BAAAAACCKK! Does something stupid (Sorry PO) and steals the crutch from Schnort Me Up The Ass – we just need to separate those two…of course everyone knows no matter WHAT either of them EVER do they will NEVER get Wile. Some of the latecummers included Susan (Mrs. Gashole) and we ALL know who made her cum and Sandy, made to cum by Best Blow Another virgin – John – showed up later just so we could open the circle again. Ballet Slippers left on trail were collected but I don’t really know what happened with that. I think Mystic Blow got a prize for collecting them. Gift exchange? I only know that Anal Vice got a new pair of shorts and Mystic liked them so much that I heard her asking him to please wear them this Summer and anytime he could show them off in public. And my gift was interesting – some STUDDED condoms – I guess I really am clueless because I didn’t know there was such a thing, a gummy on-on foot and a great novel “The F Word”. Very educational – defines every possible version of the “F Word” that you may or may not have heard. And now I can tell you to “F Off” in 14 languages. If you want to borrow it let me know. Thanks so much to the brilliant hasher who bought that gift because you KNOW that it ended up in the right hands. I hope Santa was this good to the rest of you. Oh, we opened the circle so many times and there was so much going on it was just like a dream – YEAH…like a NUTCRACKER dream! On – Out! Neon |