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OK, so yes, I’m almost 4 weeks late! NO…NO….not THAT kind of late. I swear, is sex ALL you ever think about?!?! Yeah, ok then, me too. A slumber party (harriette version) used to mean you bring your pj’s, a sleeping bag & pillow, records (remember when we used to have them?), your latest Tiger Beat magazine and your best ghost stories and get ready for a night of talking about boys, boys, boys – what WERE we thinking? Arriving un-sociably early for me, I left all the good stuff in the car for later and boy oh boy (no pun intended) did I have some good stories to tell. But this isn’t like those pj parties I’ve been to before…..The small crowd (not really a crowd) of hashers looked way too comfy sitting around drinking beers in their pj’s. Our 4, YES, 4 harriette hares for the evening: Beat It, Fucking Nothing, Hot WAX Me OFF (or whatever her name is this week) and The UnaLicker were LOUNGING around in their flannels – The UnaLicker’s PJ’s were all covered with Twinkies and she came complete with a matching scarf; FN’s PJ’s were appropriately of a Holiday Theme, complete with Santa Suit-like fur around the neck (for those long winter nights), Hot WAX Me OFF was proudly showing off the drop front of her union suit/long underwear and Beat It….well, I can’t remember what was on her pj’s, only that she got them for something like $11.99. One last trio to the harriete’s room where The UnaLicker confides to me (like I won’t tell the rest of the tgroup – hahahahahaha) that in her spare time she has figured out that her 100th hash will be 6/14, IF she doesn’t miss a single hash between now and then, and that’s a hash she has signed up to hare. Thanks UnaLicker, I’ll be sure to let everyone know. I thought I must have been really really early because I can’t believe so many hashers would skip the opportunity to run around town on a Saturday night in pj’s! What could they have been doing that would have been more fun??? SO……after we wait a while for latecummers ( waiting for latecummers is a new concept for me), with perfect timing Hot Tub Slut comments something about Maxi Pad saying he’d be there, but he was biking – YES – I said BIKING – in DECEMBER, all the way from Forest Park or some ridiculously northern suburb of Cincv…..no sooner were the words out of his mouth than in walks Maxi, with his bike loaded down, looking he’s going on a cross country trek. And then Da Gimp shows up right on time (Gimp time) Who’s here you ask? Anal Vice Beat It Bloody Maxi Pad Botham Dah Gimp Drop Shorts First Hare In The Bush Fourgasm Fucking Nothing Golden Showers Hot Tub Slut Hot Wax Me Officer Hyper Hand Job Kremey In The Middle Little Boy Blue Balls Lube My Johnson Mud Puppy Mystic Blow Neon Knockers Pubic Zirconia Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac Skid Marks The Unalicker Tight Sphincter Circle up and let’s go. Um… where are all the female hashers – it’s just Mystic Blow and me (Neon), and a circle full of male hashers. Well, let’s make the most of it. Off we go, into downtown yonder, running around all over town (are you humming the tune?). Right out of the door they trick us (women are tricky you know) and we HEAD west – wrong. True trail takes us over by Paul Brown stadium where we get confused again – imagine that! We HEAD for Cinergy Field for one last look – everyone get your hanky out – then Oh Joy! Across the Suspension Bridge we go! We run past the hotels and people look at us like we’re confused hotel guests who ran outside for a bit of Saturday night fun in our pj’s. Past the IRS – the people who take all our beer drinking and hashing money, left on 5th to the Main Strausse area…can you believe I actually have notes about where trail went?? “X” in the middle of the square and a few more turns to the first BN at Tracy’s – a happening place on a Saturday night on the far edge of Main Strausse where only those wearing their finest flannel congregate. The hares were there to great us looking way too relaxed – did they run at all? We learned that FN – trying to avoid crimes told the bartender NOT to use her MGN in front of us. Well, we continue running all over Covington, through dark alleys (Hyper Hand Job says How Low Can We Go – Spending our Saturday night running through alleys in Covington!) The harriette-hares take us to two more exciting night spots in Covington – Dot’s Pub (on Pike Street – just in case you’d like to stop in) and Happy Day’s. Bar Highlights: The UnaLicker is excited because a really “cute” guy is hitting on her in one of the bars – he likes her pj’s – I think they’re dating now I notice this girl doing SOMETHING – but I don’t think I can describe it on paper - to her beer bottle. A she-male at the bar tries to pick up Da Gimp. Note: That comment wasn’t in my handwriting, and I saw Lube My Johnson writing feverishly on my notepad at the On-In, but if I like the comments, I’m including them. “Mindy” who I discover has joined us at the 3rd bar, joins the run back to Sin City – SHE picked up Hot Tub Slut and Golden Showers at Dot’s (maybe it was the other way around) – either way, those guys are SO selective! SO we run back over the Clay Wade Bailey Bridge to HEAD First Café and find some latecummers waiting for us….Fourgasm, Stacey (He named himself so it doesn’t count) Osbourne, Tight Sphincter & her virgin Jonathon, and Scum Sucking Fecal Feliac, Botham, Lube My Johnson drinks as a latecummer – he caught up to us on the Suspension Bridge. Typical circle madness took place – even a group this small could not be contained – crimes were: Confusing YBF Trail crossing over itself – I hate when that happens! Then AV asks me to give ‘em a song and what better opportunity than now, with FOUR harrietes in the circle to sing them the Kitchen song! Da Gimp, Maxi Pad and Skid Marks drink for missing the UNI check The weather challenged Drop Shorts drinks for auto hashing all over Covington – she was really just cruising around looking for a party. Hot Tub Slut tries to get the harriette-hares for 3 hare snares at the bars but Hot WAX Me OFF gets tough with him and cries out “Bogus!” Drop Shorts & Skid Marks drink for HUGGING – oh, isn’t that cute – in the circle! Way to go Skid Marks, didn’t know you still had it in you! Mud Puppy drinks for throwing salt at the boob check Hot Tub Slut drinks for throwing flour and getting it in my eyes The UnaLicker drinks for letting me in on her little secret calculation about her 100th hash – when one hare drinks…. Not wearing PJ’s: Anal Vice Lube My Johnson Hyper Hand Job Da Gimp Pubic Zirconia Skid Marks Maxi Pad Mud Puppy Pubic Zirconia, Mud Puppy & Lube My Johnson drink for being wanna-be hares and laying trail on the way back to the on – in. HTS gives Homer back to Lube, who wears him proudly, like a jock strap and exclaims “Homer Is Home!” Analversaries: Botham - 5 Dah Gimp - 180 Haring Analversaries: FN – 10 Wax – 5 Special Analversary for Fucking Nothing who joins the centurion group – You have now paid approximately $500 towards that mug! Congratulations & GET A LIFE!!! If you’ve read this far you’re thinking how could this rehash possibly be so long for a hash with such a small group – well, it ain’t the size of the group………..and now it’s 11 p.m. and the circle is finally closing and it’s time for all good hashers to say good night and dream of the next exciting hash. Night Night! Neon Knockers. |