* German for Fu#$iing – in honor of Kunt Hunt who provided us with some entertaining moments in tonight’s circle…..see, I TOLD you that “F Book” I received at the Xmas hash would come in handy!

Hash Venue: Ummm….LANDen?
Hares: StroX CoX BaXwards (XXX) and Hyper Hand Job ……again.

What a beautiful day in LANDen.
It’s so very warm in LANDen.
I wonder where the hash will start in LANDen?
What a surprise – the same Kroger parking lot as the Osama Be In LANDEN hash hared last year by GUESS WHO?
I wonder where the ON-IN will be in beautiful LANDen?

Just getting to the hash today was an effort – way out in FICKEN* (*see above) Bum Fu@! Egypt(old tired phrase) LANDen. Why does anyone live out there? It’s too far from downtown, too far from the airport and just plain too far, especially from KY……OK, I’m finished whining, but after all, what do you expect from me?

Huddled in the Kroger in LANDen parking lot were:

Anal Vice
Beat It
Cheryl NHN Zwirgides
Dah Gimp
Drop Shorts
Fourgasm
Gas Hole
Golden Showers
Got Crabs?
Gourmet
Hot Tub Slut
Hot Wax Me Officer
Hyper Hand Job
Jeweless
Kunt Hunt
Little Boy Blue Balls
Little Ho' On The Side
Lube My Johnson
Mystic Blow
Neon Knockers
Off Like A Prom Dress
On Her Knees
Organ Grinder
Paul NHN Cashen
Skid Marks
Stinky Winkie
stroX coX baXwards
The Unalicker
Wedgie


Late again, but it’s so nice and warm in my car who cares? Usual chalk talk I assume, and it’s time to go – speaking of which,…..as I make a detour into Kroger (it’s a long drive from KY), I figure I’ll just have to hustle to catch up to the pack. When I came out of Kroger, here comes half of the pack running back toward me. Confused already. So we take off to the right (East) of the store and HEAD around back and search hopelessly for trail….losing precious time because people like HTS and Got Crabs (his nomad hasher in training) have such a lead on us that we’ll never catch the hares before they do.

After wandering all over the place in several groups, we finally find trail to the WEST of Kroger – at 13:20 minutes to be exact. It isn’t long before we we’re confused again at a check on a very busy road and after checking twice, find that trail goes straight ahead into a neighborhood and after much running we’re rewarded with the 1st BN of the day. It’s a garage BN at the home of Hyper Hand Job….he has some kind of shrine to himself set up to impress us all, but we all know that’s a crime! And he’ll pay! I really can’t recount much of the trail – I was too busy trying to stay warm – not enough layers or not the right kind. I do know that trail looked awfully familiar. The 2nd BN was in a wooded area and it wasn’t long before we took off as it was such a warm day out that we wanted to run to cool off in the breeze.

The pack is about to call a cab or two or hail down a bus except they don’t have buses in LANDen and probably not many cabs. This short recap of trail is NOT representative of the long-ish trail and I for one was happy to see the Kroger building looming in front of us. When we get back, Wedgie is waiting for us – he got a late start from Dayton, missed the exit, toured Cincinnati, then arrived just in time for the On-In.

You’ll never guess where the ON-In was held? Two guesses…..maybe you can’t come up with 2 guesses because once again it was held at the LANDen Sports Bar. (NOT that I have anything against this bar….I’m just on a roll here.) As soon as we arrived, the hares tried to ply us with beer and all kinds of healthy snacks like chips, salsa, pretzels, fritos, etc., etc. Guess they thought we wouldn’t make them do many down downs – WRONG!

Hare Crimes:
- Competitive poster at the 1st BN – way to go Hyper Hand Job
- Not enough goose shit on the trail around the lake. (I guess LANDen doesn’t have a scooper law for geese and ducks.)

The contest: Who got Lei(ed) the most on trail? (You were supposed to find Leis on trail – as usual, I find zero so I guess I didn’t get lei(d).

Off Like A Prom Dress found 4
Hot Tub Slut found 7….”That’s the most Slut’s ever been lei(d)”….thank you Gashole!

Visitors – Wedgie (and I heard he’s moving away to S. or N. Carolina – I don’t know which but I do know WE’LL MISS YOU WEDGIE!!)

MIA – Little ‘Ho on the Side & Cheryl Z (Cheryl, if you’d cum more often maybe you’d get a great name!!)

More Hare Crimes:
- No check after the BN
- Causing the pack to spend 13 minutes and 20 seconds to find trail at the start

Latecummers: The usual….
Neon Knockers
UnaLicker
Da Gimp
Lube My Johnson
Golden Showers
Wedgie
Organ Grinder
Fudge Tracker (showed up AFTER the hash)
Fourgasm (showed up AFTER the hash)

Stupid crimes: (maybe that should be a new category)
-MGN – Neon
-Bad hand writing – so all the crimes are thrown out? UnaLicker
-Competitive bragging about getting lei(s) on trail Lube My Johnson
-Whining about the wind…no, not me, Little Ho on the Side
-Auto Hashing – Golden Showers
-Coming back to his 2nd hash when we were so nice to him and gave him a lump of coal at the Xmas hash – NHN Paul
-Abusing the Sargent at Arms – Anal Vice…..What?!?
-When 1 GM drinks…..so Skid Marks drinks…yes, he was a GM at some far away hash.

The dreaded crutch – Once again, Off Like A Prom Dress is awarded this trophy to carry on trail….not only did she arrive back first, she cut off UnaLicker to win this prize.



More crimes:
Blue Flour on trail…..Kunt Hunt says “What the FU#! is this? What he should have said was What the FICKEN* (see above) is this? Maybe he has forgotten his German already.
Bunny snare by Sean (soon to be Mr. Damaged Goods)

Pathetic activities on trail:
Organ Grinder & Kunt Hunt wrote their names all over tail
Mystic Blow and Lube My Johnson had a conversation about washers on trail……is that the kind you wash clothes in or the little round things that go on faucets so they don’t drip?

Weather casualty: Little Wile E. Jr. turns blue in the cold…….at least his most exposed part(s) did!

Missing the 1st BN: Does that count as a stupid crime?
Gashole
Organ Grinder
Wedgie (well, we know why he missed it)
Got Crabs (won’t you EVER learn not to follow HTS?? You’ll die of thirst in the Summer!)
Hot Tub Slut (that’s different)
Golden Showers

MORE HARE CRIMES:
Trail looked very, very familiar
Goose Shit everywhere – we might get our hash shoes dirty – oops, the Sergeant made a mistake, we already got them for this one so ziggy zaggy UnaLicker

Fashion Crime: Gashole’s wearing a Bengals fleece pullover. I said I was embarrassed by it and everyone agreed and suddenly, there’s a new “rule”…..the accuser drinks with the accused (yeah, I’m SURE that will last). I know this is hard to believe, but I, Neon, actually beat Gashole in the down down…Beat by a Girl…….and then I spend the rest of the night coughing and choking. That won’t happen again.

Analversaries:
Blue Balls – 90
Gashole – 125
Anal Vice – 230 (does he get a gift for 300 because if so, we better start picking it out now – it will take us that long to decide)

No whistles:
NHN Paul – get a whistle!
Anal Vice – WHAT?!?
Golden Showers – and where was your whistle?

EnGAGment:
Sean drinks for proposing to Damaged Goods and she said YES!! Congratulations!
NOTE: we named Sean but I can’t remember what – something about jewels I think…..maybe Stinky can help me here??
Sure Neon, I am glad to help our terrific Hash Scribe.  We named Sean "Jeweless".

The rest of the night went something like this,……we need more beer, pass the chips, Mystic needs a smoke, Damaged Goods shows up so we can again make the engaged couple drink, more junk food, pizzas (courtesy of our 2 fine hares arrive), more beer, some dancing, and finally more beer. So, until next year, same time, same place, goodbye to LANDen – but I have a feeling we’ll be back.
On-On…Neon Knockers