This just has to be the BEST Winter for hashing in Sin City. Nice breezes, cool white snow covered ground, no pesky humidity to frizz our hair and no huge sweat stains on our shirts (who can tell for all the layers we’re wearing).

Another Saturday, another hash. The most unique thing about today’s hash is that Hot Tub Slut and Got Crabs?, today’s hares, will be on trail the ENTIRE time….now that’s different. Today’s hares have been wandering all over Sin City looking for the perfect place to lay trail and they’ve chosen what I guess could technically be called the WEST SIDE – well, it is WEST of I-75. They tell us to search on trail for these tiny BROWN crosses and whoever finds the most will get a prize.

Everyone huddles (yes, again – this is becoming a regular thing at hashes) for warmth as the hares take off and they are almost taken out by UnaLicker and the cop-mobile as she squeals into the parking lot. Since she isn’t running today – something about being up all night for a Seargent-At-Arms-Stakeout – I guess she wanted to snare them while she could.

As soon as possible we take off across Spring Grove Ave., with ¼ Barrel last to leave and that’s about the last I think I saw of him on trail. At the entrance to the cemetery, the pack is suddenly split into 3 packs. I think everyone wanted to outwit HTS & Got Crabs? and snare them by not following trail mmmm….do you know why anyone would want to do that? But most of us headed into Spring Grove Cemetery – after all, they SAID it was a graveyard hash.

And I actually remembered to LOOK for the crosses. Usually I just forget about the junk hares throw on trail as soon as they tell us but today I was determined to win one of those awesome prizes that other hashers always get – you know, some weird kind of beer you’ve never heard of and are even more afraid to drink for fear you’ll spend all day Sunday in the bathroom.

After a little tour of the cemetery, we head for the hills – like Western Hills, although I don’t think this area qualifies as Western Hills, but it’s all the same, west is west. We leave the cemetery and have to climb, I mean JUMP down this high wall. Being the sissy baby that I am, I say no way, it’s toooooo high and I don’t want any on-trail injuries. Kunt Hunt promises he’ll help me and a few others slither down the wall, and eventually I give in. Hey! If little Titty Puppet and little Famunda (I’m referring of course to their height!!) can jump then so can I!!!!! Down the road we go to a check and what a surprise – we run into a business named after me – NEON Engineering !!! Hashers are running up the road, Vommit Dog’s over to the right and Bark Buffer takes off over by Neon Engineering and guess which direction is on-on? Yep, we’re going in Neon’s backyard…so to speak.

The rest of the day we play follow the leader through the woods running some great trails and trying not to sprain our ankles on the snow covered rocks and tree roots. The first BN is at a little footbridge high in the hills and we’re directing all lost hashers to the BN, as they climb up the hill from all directions. No need for BN water with all the snow just waiting for us to scoop it up and quench our thirst- good thing since the hares forgot to leave us water…crime.

Just enough time for a little re-group and we’re off again, following the trail out of the woods to another check. Thinking trail must go up the hill away from the woods, we all start in that direction, then become totally confused because trail runs out. We go back to the check and try to the right & left, but true trail loops us right back into the woods – the best use of the 359 degrees rule I’ve seen yet – we came out of the woods at 6 o’clock and went back in at 7 o’clock (sorry…for all you military brainwashed people that’s 0600 and 0700 or 1800 and 1900 hours).

More climbing up the hilly trails and a quick loop out of the woods and right back in & eventually the 2^nd BN. Now I’ve been asking if anyone has found any crosses thinking maybe there’s still a chance for me to find some. Looks like a few have been found but I think I’m losing interest in looking for the little hidden treasures. Out of the woods and back towards town, to the coldest on-in circle we’ve had in a while – it was OUTSIDE!!

Circle #1: So we stand around shivering and since I don’t have any notepaper with me I didn’t get to write down any crimes but you’ve been there…you know what happens….so just go back and re-read (assuming you’ve been reading them!) any of the other rehashes – go directly to the circle part and there you go!

So after we’ve all turned into popsicles it’s finally time to go inside and warm up – so we thought! We get to the much awaited on-in and guess what? The bartender/manager/owner didn’t know we were going to hang in the back room and the heat was NOT turned on! I don’t remember, but I HOPE we made the hares drink for that.

So everyone is fighting to stand over the floor heaters, pushing and pulling – I think Vommit Doggy stole one of the warm spots from the shivering Titty Puppet by tricking her into going to get him beer and food. As I told him, she’s not really a puppet and he’s not really the Puppet Master!!!

"And that my liege, is how we found the earth to be banana shaped"-Sir Bedevere

Latecummers: Fudge Trucker, Off Like A Prom Dress, Best Blow, Fourgasm, Spank My Faggity Ass (also a MIA), Curdled Cum

Best Blow makes a very grave accusation – he says Prom Dress is engaged. NOT TRUE! Best Blow drinks.

Organ Grinder gets the crutch for his cumpetitive finish. Ever notice how the SAME few people keep passing the crutch around. Yeah, I noticed too. Next time you’re on trail, take one of these racing hashers by the hand and make them finish trail at a sloooow pace with you. It’s a habit they really need to break.

Forgetful crimes: Mystic Blow drinks to get her coat back (hope Anal Vice has been keeping her warm) and Neon Knockers drinks for leaving the beloved Centurion mug behind (I promise it’s the last time it will happen but I don’t think anyone believes me). Da Gimp drinks for forgetting about our darling little Wile E. Luckily, someone picks him up before Schnort or P.O. can get him and Gimp gets to keep him. Gimp tries to rationalize his actions by saying that he only set Wile down because the shy little guy didn’t want to watch him change in the boys bathroom – well, of course Gimp….Wile is heterosexual and you should have just nicely asked one of the harriettes to hold him for you!!! Next time you’ll know better!

"This new way of learning amazes me! Explain again how sheep's bladders can be used to prevent earthquakes"-King Arthur

Drama Crime: New category. Seems UnaLicker is looking for some unique ways to fill her free time and has recently taken on a costume jewelry business – crown making for all the little drama queens in Sin City. SCH4 has it’s very own drama crown and guess who gets the honor of wearing it 1^st? NO,,,not me! Hot Tub Slut is awarded the beautiful crown (inspected for authenticity by Pubic Zirconia) and believe me….he was NOT a happy hasher about receiving this great honor. Seems he was whining A LOT about being snared by the 2 auto hashers – UnaLicker and Fucking Nothing (they said something about not being able to run trail due to injuries or illness – what a great idea! Why didn’t the rest of us frozen running popsicles think of that!). You know how the hash is…..you can’t whine about a crime because you just get yourself in deeper. Watch the website for the beautiful photo of HTS wearing the crown …coming soon..(I just happened to have a camera with me) – you can tell by his expression that his acceptance speech was heartfelt.

NOTE: The "RULE" (as I’ve said before- for a club with NO RULES we sure do have a lot) is that you have to wear the crown during the on-in and then you give it back to UnaLicker for the next hash.

Missing Photo Checks: Miracle Gro, Butt Digger & Eats It Raw – hey now, the Hash Flash just can’t run all over trail and miss opportunities to take great photos of the hashers on trail! What were you thinking EIR?

"I don't want to talk to you no more you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!Go and boil your bottoms you sons of a silly person!"-French Guard

Miracle Gro has to drink for having a fashion faux pas – he wore two different shoes –one was a 715 NB and one a 763 NB. OK..now I just think the people at New Balance are lazy in the creativity department – what’s with their shoe "names"….can’t they come up with some cute names like the other shoe brands – "cumulus", "nimbus", "hurricane", "Pegasus" see what I mean? No wonder he got confused.

Organ Grinder gets out of control now: 1^st, he has to drink for wearing a Mini Cooper (his new car) hat; 2^nd, he loses the crutch – Pubic Zirconia takes it away and so PZ drinks for that, then Organ drinks for losing it; 3^rd, Organ complains he has to pee so Best Blow suggests that OG get a Colostomy Bag so he doesn’t have to interrupt us again. Can you see where this night is going?

You Suck….etc…etc…drinks for stealing Vommitt’s Centurion mug – hey! Keep your hands to yourself or someone else, but leave the mugs alone!

Pubic Z drinks for eating in the circle – what?!? Are you kidding me? Who would ever do that??

8:06 pm –Anal Vice achieves slurrage

Did you catch that bizarre tv special on the one gloved wonder? NO…Beat It wasn’t on tv – but her inspiration Michael Jackson was…and because of that, Beat It…without her Beat It glove- has to drink.

"Are you supposing coconuts migrate?!"-Guard

Vommitt wants us to look at Anal Vice’s package?!? OK, why do you guys call "it" a package? Is it because you think of yourselves as "gifts"?