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Rehash: The
N.C.A.A. Rehash or #275 I know basketball is on everyone’s minds these days, but on this Thursday night hyper, NCAA stands for “Neon’s Cooking Amazes All!” Neon Knockers was gracious enough to host a hyper at her home in Ft. Mitchell, KY. I had to drive so far south I could have sworn I saw signs indicating the Tennessee border was near. However, after passing a few hillbillies crossing dirt roads in their bare feet and overalls, I found Neon’s house. We gathered inside, dropped off our beer in the basement, signed in, and then headed to the back for the circle. After introducing ourselves to PO’s virgin Ann Marie, we drew numbers to decide what unwitting hasher would be our first hare of the evening. Miraculously enough, someone forgot to rig it so that Neon would be our first hare, and so Hyper Hand Job was chosen. He grabbed the flour bag and took off up the driveway. I could sense the disappointment in Neon’s face, and later, The Unalicker revealed that Neon had spent a good part of the day planning a virtual trail! All that pre-planning gone to waste! The required 5 minutes passed, and the pack took off after Hyper Hand Job. Not knowing the neighborhood (like any of us did), HHJ made a perfect rectangle and just as he was about to go past Neon’s house again, he was snared by Gourmet. The flour bag was passed and the “shot clock” began. The pack then pursued Gourmet down a few hills, across the busy highway, and into another neighborhood. Somewhere along the way, Dah Gimp snared Gourmet, and so the flour bag was passed once more. Around this time, Gimp stopped using any flour since I’m sure there were only a few handfuls left. (HHJ and Gourmet were quite liberal in their use of flour.) Down a dark street, we eventually came to a dead end and had to turn around. Gimp or Anal Vice (I’m really not sure at what point AV snared Gimp) cut through someone’s driveway and back out onto some street. No one knew where the hell trail went after that, so we just followed Neon back to her house. We were greeted by Stinky Winkie who had worked and slaved in the kitchen the whole time we were out on trail to make lasagna. Just kidding, Neon! (She would probably die if she thought someone else got credit for her hard work!) Actually, Stinky and The Unalicker (who headed back due to illness) had the awesome responsibility of putting the lasagna in the oven at the right time. Which they did very well, I might add. We gathered in Neon’s basement for the circle, and there under the fluorescent lights and fresh scent of fabric softener, our circle commenced. “Here’s to the Hares”: Hyper Hand Job, Gourmet, Dah Gimp, and Anal Vice “Why Was She Born So Beautiful”: Ann Marie, PO’s virgin, was given proper instructions about when to start drinking when she heard us sing “Down, down, down”. Gashole also mentioned that, “What doesn’t go in you, goes on you. And if you miss, WE WON’T!” OOPS… PO forgot to tell her about THAT part! “They’re the Meanest…”: Coincidentally, the trail happened to pass by Fucking Nothing’s house and Anal Vice, being oh-so-clever, thought he would put ‘BN’ in her driveway and confuse the pack. And when one hare drinks, ALL hares drink… “They’re Alright, They’re Alright”: Fucking Nothing and Fourgasm drank for being latecummers. Hey speaking of which, I’ve got a pool going on Fourgasm. $5 a square to pick the date when she will show up at the BEGINNING of a hash and actually run with us again! “Put Your Left Leg Over My Shoulder”: Neon Knockers (for having the whole trail planned out if she was chosen as the hare), Kunt Hunt (for bragging about how fast he was going to go tonight), and Tight Box (for being MIA). “Kitchen Song”: Neon Knockers. Well, after bragging (or is that whining?) that she spent the entire day in the kitchen making lasagna, what song did you expect??? “Balls to Mr. Banglestein”: For using Mother Given Names on trail: Sucks But Doesn’t Swallow, On Her Knees, The Unalicker, Pubic Offender, and Kunt Hunt. Seriously people, stop socializing with each other outside of the hash. Otherwise, you’ll just get into the habit of calling each other by your MGN’s and you’ll be screwing yourselves! “Fuck a Duck”: Pubic Offender (for saying his name was “Triple-X” in the circle – hey, wait, that’s my name!), stroX coX baXwards (needing a life for complaining about lack of hyper hash locations scheduled) and Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac (for volunteering to give erections). I just got so used to Hot Tub Slut being so anal about planning hyper hash locations 5 months in advance that I’m starting to panic now that I can only plan my social calendar 1 month in advance. Overheard at the circle: “Hey, I wonder if I leave my hashing clothes on top of the washing machine, Neon will wash them and return them to me at the next hash?!?” Nice try, PO! That only works with girlfriends, and even then, it only works once! “Beer”: For blowing through a boobcheck: All the hares, Got Crabs?, Gashole, Organ Grinder, Poo Packer, and Kunt Hunt. Next time, Gashole, just lift your shirt and show your boobs (which are bigger than most female hashers’ anyways), and you won’t have to drink for this again! “Twenty Toes”: Gashole (for being RA and holding up the thunderstorm), Anal Vice (for getting our grandmattress FN off the mattress and to the hash), and when one hare drinks, ALL hares drink… Circle was closed and we gathered upstairs for dinner. Both vegetable lasagna and meat lasagna were served, along with salad and garlic bread. Neon went all out! She even baked chocolate chip cookie bars and brownies! It was quite a feast and we all appreciated it. Many gathered around the TV to watch the NCAA tournament games in the family room off the kitchen. All that cleaning in the living room gone to waste! Or so we thought. Towards the end of the evening, Neon was going up to people, “Have you sat in the living room yet? No? Why not? Get in there! Dammit, I cleaned in there. Go appreciate the clean living room.” Yes, ma’am! We did as we were told and parked our sweaty selves on her clean furniture. Hey – we were just following orders. Thanks for hosting the hyper, Neon! Same time, next month, right? Attendees: Analversaries: |