|
|
SCH4 Campout – Day 2 …… Hash #293 B " A Camper I Will Be" – NOTBy – Neon "Ok, so I'm NOT a camper – but I gave it the old college try!" KnockersGuest Editorial by - Hot Tub (I never met a hash trail I can actually follow) SlutBusy week, no time to prepare, better make a list so I don't forget any of the important stuff you should take on a campout – the kind Gimp plans (AKA – The Survivor Hash)…so what DO you bring on a campout?
I guess that about covers it. SO I loaded up my car and hit the road, not knowing what to expect, only that when I called Unalicker for directions to the start of the hash since I couldn't make the campground in time, she was napping and didn't sound too lively, even though it was about 1:00 in the afternoon…she had Mystic call me back with directions and since I can't drive, write, and talk on the phone at the same time, I pulled to the edge of the road right before the I-74 exit – now that's safe… Even with all the SLOW traffic I hit on the way up I actually beat the campers to the park where the Day 2 hash would start. I was greeted and/or joined by Stinky Winkie, More Leggs, Porkless, Poo Packer, Sucks But Doesn't Swallow (SBDS), Gashole, and probably a few others who didn't camp on Friday night but of courseI can't remember them as I write this 3 weeks later. Soon after, the campers showed up, moaning about their hangovers or about being tired, and moving kind of slow (Clue #1 that I probably wouldn't be "sleeping" much at the campout.) A pretty big crowd showed up – considering it was a GIMP campout. Stinky – tell us who was there for "Day 2" of "The Hashers Take Over The Boy Scout Camp – Campout": Thanks Neon. Today's hares: Anal Vice and Mr. Campout (Dah Gimp): The trail was a fun tour of the woods and little town called "Eaton". Unbelievably, I didn't get any P.I….or it hasn't shown up yet. Maybe that's because of the 3 layers of Ivy Block I applied before we took off. As usual, a few of our wandering hashers took off on their own – maybe to scout for future hashes??? Hot Tub Slut, Golden Showers and When Hairy Met Chunky – who was visiting us from the far, far, far south – well…who WOULDN"T travel thousands of miles, go through customs, pass numerous security checkpoints and in Chunky's case probably get stopped at all of them - just for one of Dah Gimp's campouts??? We started out HEADing for the woods, then circled around and ran through a large cemetery, by the old Indian Mound, through more of the cemetery and into the woods, which lead us to the 1 st BN. At the 1st Beer Near, Hot Tub Slut wandered in from some aimless trail he was following, always in hot pursuit of the hares. He was carrying the hares' flour. Seems he nabbed something better than the hares – and we laughingly considered laying new trail, just in case we could possibly confuse the hares as if their brains weren't already confused enough from the night before (I'm guessing).Onward, past the Eaton Country Club then into town, by the court house and down Main Street for a real treat – an antique car/hot rod show with some very cool cars. The male hashers were drooling over the colorful cars, with Stinky Winkie checking out the Porsches. We took a picture, ran down the middle of the street with everyone watching and made the usual spectacle of ourselves. "Town" was not very big and I think Main Street was all of 3 or 4 blocks, then it was on-in to BN # 2 at the "Red Mule Bar". BN # 2 was a little bar in Eaton – maybe their only one, and there's a special booth where many years ago, in her wild and crazy teenage years, Mystic Blow kicked some guy's ass….literally. We were on-out and posing for another group photo with hashers climbing all over this real tank when Gashole and ¼ Barrel showed up. They dragged themselves down the street, completely parched, having missed the BN and Gashole launched into some real bitching and whining that was even better than what I usually come up with…."WHOoooo has the dry wall chalk?" "WHOoooo isn't laying marks?"…"We couldn't follow traillllll" "That's not fairrrrrrr" "We were scared"…or something like that …..I take no responsibility for getting the quotes wrong, but you get the picture…..and poor ¼ Barrel was so parched and breathless from keeping up w/Gashole and maybe just speechless from hearing all the whining, that he just stood there not saying a word. Maybe it's because everyone was giving Gashole such a hard time for being such a whiner……Gashole….I feel your pain…really, I do….every whiner has his/her day and THIS ONE belonged to Gashole. Of course, the day was young and I STILL hadn't seen the campsite…. According to Dah Gimp's very anal map – even more anal than usual (think about who was his co-hare), trail was 7.2 K – do your own math. OK, you get the picture and I never even usually recount this much of the trail, but the rest of it was the usual zigs and zags, we did the usual railroad track and this ne had a crossing at the edge of town with about 6 directions you could take. Then we ran back into the park where we started and ended up along a ridge of the river and had a scenic place to recharge with a some On-In refreshments. So we take turns piling into cars to go get cars to get the hashers back to the campsite. A light sweat is breaking out as I realize I'm about to reach the campgrounds, see where we have to park and then find out there IS no quick way to escape this one. Off ot the side of the parking area and riding around on 4-wheelers are these people dressed in army-type clothing – Who are they? Oh, they're the Nazis and they don't like us being here. Oh, ok,are those real guns they're playing with? Well, of course, but they won't bother us. Oh, ok. All my stuff is being carried up this long, bumpy, rutted, woodsy road, The Road of No Return, and thanks to Chunky for bringing a family-type vehicle …the dreaded "MINI-VAN" so we could all have a ride up the hill even though I swore I'd NEVER ride in a MINI-VAN again in this lifetime. And there it was – right before my eyes – THE CAMPSITE….and as I looked around I thought…ok, this is nice, woodsy, quiet, peaceful…but where's the bathroom? Where are the showers? Oh, at the bottom of the road? Oh, well, ok, I was just kidding. Never mind. Note to self: Drink more than normal tonight because you're going to need it to forget you're sleeping in a tent – with only a thin netted opening between you, the bugs, the Nazis with the real guns and the animals – No, I don't mean the male hashers…. So while the non-camping hashers – the ones who are leaving that night (lucky!) – are standing around waiting impatiently for the circle to start, the rest of us nature loving campers are busy pitching tents, washing off from our run through the woods and changing clothes. " Hey, On Her Knees, um, did you remember to bring that tent for me? (Maybe she forgot and I'll just have to drive home… J J ) OF COURSE, NEON, here's your little tent and she hands me this yellow nylon bag that isn't any bigger than one of those bags the folding chairs come in and I look at it in panic because I have no F-ing idea what to do with it. BUT…here come the hash/campers to the rescue and they help me put up the tent. I can't even remember who helped, so many people came to my rescue – was it the look of panic on my face? Or maybe they just needed a good laugh – I don't know. Across from me is this behemoth of a tent that is set up and looks like a vacation home and The Unalicker saunters out of it and says – Oh Look, Neon's tent is like the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree of Tents and Dingleberry is snapping away madly with his camera to catch this most unlikely event on film. Then about 3 or 4 people worked to get the air mattress filled and I thought ok, this will be ok. Little did I know that 10 minutes into the circle the air mattress had become a flat layer of nylon, molding itself around the roots and clumps of mud and grass – the better to make me lie awake all night. There were tents scattered everywhere and we were ready for some down downs: Circle Up!!!!!!Circle Tyrants: Gashole & Vommitt Dog Hare Crimes: you know – too much of the usual Not enough gravestones Campout Virgins: Back to Crimes: Hare Snare: HTS and Golden Showers run part of the trail backwards and not only snare the hares, but HTS brings a bag of their flour to the BN For those of you who can only imagine what goes through HTS' devious mind as he is wandering off trail, here's HTS' mini-rehash: Golden & I ran straight to the cemetery and found trail, but then got lost (lost off trail) and HEADed into the woods. We eventually crossed a major street, still without any hash, and began to HEAD towards downtown Eaton. When we arrived on the western edge I (HTS) thought we should go north, since the pack was north of us when we last saw them 20 – 30 minutes earlier. But Golden Showers said there was a park to the south so I reluctantly agreed to HEAD that way. Almost immediately, as we ran along the river, we spied two figures running/walking towards us. So I ducked in the nearest garage (I'm sure the residents would have liked that Hot Tub) and Golden ran around the back of the house. Eventually, Gimp got close enough and I jumped out and snared him. (And Hot Tub's day was made)Golden chased AV, who was laying true trail down an alley toward the second BN. From that point, I ran trail backwards to the 1 st BN, picked up a bag of flour the hares had stashed, and met up with the rest of the pack. Sounds like fun Hot Tub!Back to the crimes…. HTS and Best Blow – in the morning were discussing HTS' injury to his hand the night before and Best Blow asked HTS: "Is it throbbing?" Bump & Grinder was discussing competitive activities on trail (WELL…now THAT explains why she was so worn out – YOU GO GIRL!!!) PLUS you ran 12 miles on a training run? Vommit – for saying "We gotta beat Chunky there!" ……Where??? Gashole – His co-circle tyrant, Vommit, accuses Gashole of MUCH bitching and whining and complaining on trail (see above) When Hairy Met Chunky – Misses hashing so much that he ran the trail 2x – once BEFORE the hash, then again with us…AND he wore a competitive shirt – DO YOU "comprende hashing instruciones??" (Or something like that) More Leggs – something about a story blah blah blah by HTS and a bird pooped on her arm …it's hard to write, laugh, drink beer and sing hash songs at the same time. Crotch Cricket – Got lost on her way to the campout and hashed all over Eaton looking for us till AV & Mystic picked her up & then she auto hashed the rest of the trail (does that make sense?) Vommit to Gimp: "Who's Mr. Campout now?!?" But I don't know why he said it….maybe it was that darling campfire/girl scout/boy scout/cub scout/ MR. CAMPOUT outfit that he was given to wear on Friday night. Skid Marks to no one and everyone: "Who says we can't have a gay scout??" Crimes: Pubic Zirconia didn't get hurt on the RR tracks for a change. Mystic Blow – crime that she didn't kick anybody's ass today (see above for explanation) Best Blow and Mystic Blow drink because Anal Vice DID NOT, by this point in time, achieve slurrage…but we all knew that sooner or later, AV wouldn't let us down ANALVERSARIES 10 – Short Round Down Down's all around! Now, it's time to burn Scooby Do 'em's shoes – a tradition for Sin City for any hasher who leaves us for some far away city plus AV & Mystic were moving and needed to get them out of the garage. And then we ate and drank and ate some more and drank more and did a Revenge of the Vampires hash that is just too hard to explain and this rehash is already too long….but let's just say, the Revenge of the Vampires hash was dark, it was scary (sometimes) and I was vamped twice…..Wax and I tried to vamp other hashers but decided to stick together because we were getting lost in the woods….and there were Nazis out there… So we all went back and drank more, shook the yucca jar, passed the rum bottle, danced, drank the yucca, and then people threw all kinds of stuff in the fire (like bottles and cans and glow in the dark things we wore for the vampire hash – stuff that really helps a campfire and the fire spits it back and guess who gets burned, right by the corner of the eye – yep, you guessed it. THEN……and it came so quickly, it was time for the Naked Midnight Hash, hared by Mystic Blow, with a little help from the rest of us so she didn't fall down, and Hot Tub Slut, who only stays on trail when he's haring. And the only comment I have is…out of the 20 or more chairs that were circled around the fire…..how did it happen that the naked circle ended up circled around me? Imagine the viewpoint – wow – did you ever notice how beautiful the stars look and how many you can see when there aren't any artificial lights around? More drinking – try to forget that I have to sleep on the hard ground…dancing, and about 2:30 I decide it's time to go sleep on the hard ground. 2:40 am – trying to take contact lenses out in the dark with a flashlight
(NOTE: all times are approximate of course) Sometime later – but not much – wake up, stay awake, spend next 3 hours preparing to leave. Dah Gimp – you are Mr. Campout – even though I'm not a very good campout girl!!!! Thanks for all the hard work you put into this annual and anal event. On –On and when it's campout time again, don't call me, I'll call you! Your friendly hash scribe – Neon Knockers - with a guest editorial by Hot Tub Slut. |