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ReHash #299 by Lube My Johnson Attention All Hashers! Attention All Hashers! This is a test of the Rehash Broadcast System. In the event that an actual hash occurs and you did not attend, this system will transmit facts and lies about what occurred so that you may take note and make your own lies about why you did not attend or, if you did, why you did some dumb ass thing that got reported on this system. This is only a rehash. The Mount-Airy-2003-Part-One or The-First-Anal-Airy-Ola! Hash Hares were Hot Tub Slut and a much-abused draft choice: Got Crabs? The pack parked next to a school in Northside, where children could see adult depravity first hand. After milling about, drinking on public school property, and thoroughly abusing the On-Sec for no directions on the website, the hares admitted to being such and commenced their chalk talk. They ran off and left the rest of the half-minds in circle. Our Cool Hand Luke of hashers—Fag Whore—was caught smoking during Father Abraham. Also, immediately after the single virgin, Samantha, was identified, Dingleberry promptly addressed her as Carolyn or Camille. Gashole admitted to having sore legs (murky 'splanation about other men makin' him do something he wouldn't normally do in a public place) and a reduced desire to FRB. Beat It also exclaimed that there was no map to the B site a few moments after it was announced that there was one on the windshield of Anal Vice's car. At that point, we were losing hope for what little sanity is expected at a hash. Hot Wax gave Lube My Johnson an ad for a lubrication products salesman and asked if I could recommend him with reason given for the inquiry other than a sly wink. Gourmet lived up to his name when he found a coupon for a free burrito lying in the parking lot. Neon remarked that she could use a good burrito. Fudge Tracker remarked to Mount Me Faster that she had "a wonderful G unit" and was nearly beaten. Upon questioning, neither Fudge nor Mount Me could explain what a "G unit" is. Time finally came to start out and we immediately hit a swing check there in the school yard. This was a crime that never did get punished and ought to be. The pack quickly got into a cemetery, looking for scary things but found none scarier than the bar where we ended up—a little hyperbole for the Halloween theme. Anal Vice, Quarter Barrel, Gashole, and Lube went off trail, avoiding the graveyard, already having a few stiffs ourselves, and ended up a-Head of the pack back on trail in a culvert. The FRBs got stiffed on a check and nearly got lost as the pack Headed out of the culvert up into Mt. Airy. After climbing every mountain and doing our Sound of Music routine on the summit of Mt. Airy, Ola! we found BN 1 just off the crest. Butt Digger had counted 228 steps then stopped, claiming exhaustion. The total was gestimated to be about three times that, so ass-draggers like Dah Gimp apparently were well advised to miss this hash. However, everyone agreed that the amount of effort up the hill did warrant Quarter Barrel removing his shirt. The entire pack, except Penis Head, Fudge Tracker, and Scum Sucking Fecal Feliac who had all by-passed the BN "by accident," admired QBs hairless chest and pseudo-mammae. Hot Wax dropped a beer, apparently when she saw the bared bear QB and the evidence of either extensive use of a depilatory device or overexposure to radiation (a microwave?). A photo was taken to prove the event occurred. With the breeze kicking up and twigs falling, we Headed out and remained on a relatively flat trail for many bends and twists. BN 2 was also just off a crest. Again, we were regaled with QB's bare chest. This time a photo was taken of only women, whence QB insisted to be included. He was forcibly removed. As the picture was snapped, the guys Headed down the trail, since the photo was a sneaky way to put the women in the rear. Lots of easy marks took the pack past a Mennonite wedding or something, which probably will be discussed for quite some time there, evidence of the decadence of western man. The pack soon ended up back in the downtown Northside area, which was heavily patrolled by six-gun-slinging vigilantes. Only two hashers were wounded and all were accounted as we made it into the bar Bullfishes. Several hashers Headed back to their cars pre-circle. This led to much animated discussion about allowing hashers to leave for cars before the circle, since it always leads to delays in the circle. Phead was FRB. Having hung in the middle of the pack all day, Gashole leapt to the soapbox and declared this lack of hash respect to be, well, disrespect. Most agreed that it often delays the circle, especially if it is a small group. Bags were in the bar and a grrl band was setting up. Once all were back, the circle opened. There had been much discussion of Fecal and Fudge, who had not seen any trail since the chalk talk, snaring or at least spotting the hares at the On-In. By this one can assume "spot" to mean "see" as opposed to "soil," in spite of their nomes-de-hash. As the circle started, the hares were not to be found, so the virgin was brought forth. The Unalicker as also late to circle as she was dressing herself. The virgin drank with the Grand Masters (sympathy down-down since things were forces out of sequence). The hares drank. NHN Carey, Famunda, and Strokes Cox Baxwards drank for using competitive terms, Head Wetter and Dick the Phone for MIA, and Crotch Cricket for late cummer. Hare crimes included 4 hashes after a check in the culvert and mismarks (Miss Marx?). Mount Me got the crown for celebrating finding trail. Phead got something wrong about the website and did a down-down. Fecal, Fudge, and Dingleberry were competitive, with the latter putting his initials on every mark that he Laid. QB got it for a competitive last block kick (a note that I do not remember writing). 3X and Beat It got it for not following directions. Hares for a premature On-In, plus Fecal and Fudge for making them premature (now that's scary). Phead got it for BN blow-off. Fag Whore for smoking in circle. Mother Given Names: Una and Neon Knockers. Messing Up the Sequence of Father Abraham: Fecal. Alcohol Abuse: 3X. Pubic Zirconium for having the locals holler "Run, Forest, Run" at him. Dah Gimp showed up at this point and drank. Lube for doing a cumpetitive event that day. Famunda, Little Boy Blue Balls, Gimp for no centurion mugs. No analversaries were celebrated because the list was MIA. Everyone who had not been in the circle was called into it. Birth Analversary: Dick the Phone. HTS brought out a hat that AV had left after the Red Dress. Announcements followed. Wiley Nominations. Blue Balls nominated Got Crabs for last minute choosing to run the hash in Mt. Airy two weeks prior to the 300 th hash was going to be there. Wiley was awarded to Got Crabs. Pizza, which had been ordered prior to opening the circle, arrived and the circle was temporarily closed.Attendees:
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