Rehash #306

Hares:  Beat It, Funkin Nuthin, Tight Sphincter

Where does I start?  That war the question I had for th’ hash and now for th’ rehash.  Where does I start? 

Well, I’ll tell you, tenderfoot, it shor’n warn’t obvious t’ this cowpoke.  I was ‘bout ready t’ pull up stakes and head back Ohia way when I finally spied a smatterin’ of half minds dartin’ about the south side of the crick they calls a river....

Hash 306, The No Theme Hash, started out being the Light on Erections Hash for me.  It would end up being the No Pack Hash. 

Passing right by the “parking lot by Jillians,” I missed the start.  Your faithful (new, so I haven’t had a chance to go bad) hash scribe spent 15 minutes driving around the environs of the aforementioned place looking for the hash.  A local cop thought I was looking for the herbal form and began following me around the neighborhood.  Finally, I shook him and got back to the highway.  I was giving up when the “pack,” which had actually left relatively early but had spent 10 minutes going the wrong way, came by just as I was getting back on I-75.  Gashole gave me a point.  Near him, since there were only a few hashers about, were Hyper Hand Job and Fudge Tracker.  That would be the biggest gaggle to resemble a pack until the On-In. 

Dingleberry was ill, so Unalicker, Neon, and Tight Box were walking with him (If I miss names or get the wrong person in there, be glad that I at least thought of you, which is probably more than you got from me for Xmas).

We quickly lost each other on trail.  Eats It Raw appeared Headed the wrong way.  After much Covington alley dashing, which always involves psychotic dogs and in-breds, we found a boob check, but it wasn’t a boob check, since there was no pack, no grand master to overrule it, nor was there a solid trail that we used to get to it.  While scouting the check, the walkers caught up along with Butt Digger.  No one heard HHJ blow his whistle, but we guessed he was correct and followed, most of us bypassing a swing check, since the “pack” consisted of five hashers. 

Soon we found a BN.  Apparently, the bar was the scene of a fatal shooting a few years back.  Admittedly, there were several pretty odiferous and lifeless bodies laying about in the bar, but I think all were suffering from self-inflicted wounds in their livers.  The barflies were thicker than the beer but resisted showing their tallywhackers when we informed them that we were the Covington PAL on a first annual Run and Gun.  Only about 10 hashers showed up and after 15 minutes Gimp showed his usual decisiveness and departed along with Fudge. 

¼ Barrel was picked up on trail, having been completely blown off course by the lawyerly hot air of Hot Tub Slut and his ranging.  QB admitted that he had backed a bad horse that was on a bad streak.  “Well, he did have four snares in a row, but that was a while ago.”

After much more confusion and a late appearance of Aching Ass, Anal Vice, and maybe others, we made it into the On-In.  The local drunks hugged and kissed everyone except AA, since they already had copped a feel on him after he passed out his phone number, then they fed us chili and chips that someone had provided.  Little Boy Blue Balls admitted to having been way off trail up on a hill (Devou Park?), which probably was the same excuse as most hashers.  “I was following (fill in the blank)!”  He did say that HTS was up there, too.  There was also agreement about there being no marks Heading up the hill, which explained why everyone chose to go that way. 

Several remarked about there being no Dingleberry autographs on pack arrows, but since there was no pack and few arrows, it was not much noticed.  HHJ did several of his own autographs in Dingle’s stead. 

Mystic Blow admitted to being offered $100 by three boys.  Sheeze!  Jacko pays $10MM for one and Mystic gets three and a Franklin.  I wonder what it would have cost Best Blow (or the other hash Blows—Ten Foot, Rhinestone, Special, Snow Blower, Blows Best in the Dark, Blowfish, BF Goodblow)?  Creepy Covington!

Gimp saw an old hyper mark, which he admitted was one more than he saw of the day’s marks.  Beat It refused to talk to the hash scribe after admitting to “watering down the beer the whole time I was beermeister” something that could not be confirmed by the taste testers.

At circle, the hares admitted to not using flour on trail, really intending to take everyone up to Devou Park on an unmarked trail, and whining (Tight Sphincter, specifically).  HTS drank for not being into the On-In prior to start of the circle.  Virgin Natalie Brown was introduced as the sister of NHN Stephanie.  Gashole did a ziggy zaggy for thinking.  TS may have done another one for having to explain the trail.  Blue Balls for dead pussy (cat) on trail.  HTS exclaimed that his “best friends are dykes” which could explain something about his recent bar choices for hypers.

Latecummers:  Lube My Johnson, Hot Wax Me Officer, Got Crabs?, and HTS.

The only ones to fess up to missing the BN were Kunt Hunt, AV, Stephanie, Natalie, Blue Balls, AA, QB. 

Vommitt—false accusation on Una for no whistle.

MIAs:  Kunt Hunt, FN, Bump & Grinder (whining, too).

Cell Phone (now a common crime, making many a common criminal):  Una, Best Blow who also had a binky in his fag bag.

MGN (that’s mother-given name for those of you in Newport):  Vommitt

Funkin Nuthin for name change, I think.

Tight Box got a second round of MIAs.

Una for saying, as she always does, “cahr” meaning automobile.

Gashole for going to his cahr before the circle when he always says that is misbehavior before the hash (MBH).  Your scribe botched the song.

Analversaries:  Steph 5, HHJ 30, B & G 35, Suck This 55, Tight Box 70, QB 80, FN 110, Famunda 115, Blue Balls 130.

Una slurred her beer gift to Vommitt (some obscure note following my song botch).

Birthanalversaries:  Vommitt, Una, Buttdigger, TS.

Lost Items:  Beat It had some stuff, including Minime’s hat.  It kept someone’s little head warm.  Woohoo!!

Wiley Noms:  Beat It being confused or nominating someone or something.  If someone can remember that, please send money.

AV Slurrage:  17:24:35

More drinking:  Mystic for a school reference(?), Waxy for becoming the newest Bar Wench, Neon for being the old scribe, Lube for being new scribe. 

Dumbass Announcements included Kunt Hunt being the 10,000^th hasher to sign into the hash.  I do not remember if he won anything or was beaten senseless by the crowd for having extended the circle and this rehash.

Naming:  Stephanie, after much discussion and soul (as in Michael Jackson impersonation) searching, was named Temporarily Closed because her crotch has that sign on it.  Ask her for details.  This name is actually shorthand for a much longer version and may change if her cross-leggedness changes.  Then I think her preference is Mister Fister.

Prick In Crotch showed up from Florida and drank for bringing a new husband as well as being a latecummer.