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Hash 309: Hyde Parque Hyperpower Hyper Là-bas nous étions, prépare pour hacher encore dans le Parc luxueux de Hyde, buvant à petits coups merlot. (For those of ewe not
embarrassed to be seen driving through Oakley to get to the hash: Once again, I scribe, you decide! And once again, I was late, so Resolution #78 is out. Your faithful correspondent found a parking space very much after the pack had left but stepped onto the curb to find trail. Luck! Dashing around the neighborhood, I came to see that the pack followed a big rectangular trail that was going to pass by ‘The E’ which had been announced as the On-After bar, generally via Erie Avenue. Sure enough, as I got closer, I ran across Bump ‘N Grinder and we came upon the area of said bar. Acting as CSI Cincinnati members, we determined that the pack consisted of at least four suspects (initials on pack arrows and snare signs) and the pack did a reasonably good job of signaling their intent to late cummers such as us. There was also not a false trail to be found, at least by using our forensic techniques. Just as we were lifting prints from a flour dollop on the 2900 block of Wasson Road, we detected an apparent hasher entering a drinking establishment carrying what appeared to be a sports bag and a pewter or aluminum mug, similar to those reportedly used by ‘made’ members of the notorious hashing gang whose territory covers the Cincinnati area. As we approached the perp, weapons drawn, she entered the drinking establishment, which turned out to be ‘The E.’ We made positive ID on the gang member known locally as ‘TS’ or Tight Sphincter. As we headed past, another member carrying a sports bag passed us. We IDed this one as Scum Sucking Fecal Feliac. At that point, we stopped playing CSI and headed back to our cars. There were about 25 hashers in the bar when I got there and circle began forthwith. TS was the first hare on a flip of the chalk. Snares included Anal Vice and Dah Gimp. Gimp showed late to the circle, because he had no compass to find the On-After. Late: Gimp, TS, Unalicker, AV, Lube My Johnson. Also, Wiley, so for some reason Little Boy Blue Balls drank with The Unalicker (the current possessor). MIA: Pubic Offender. (The child he brought with him only drank water, so don’t say we’re contributing to the delinquency of minors.) He was not going to be declared MIA until he yelled to Hot Tub Slut that his absence was ‘cause I’m smaller than you.’ Not sure what to make of the comparison, most of us drank just to forget the incident. Hare Crime: Taking trail past the On-After. Eating or Sitting in Circle: Shutter Fucker, Suck This, and someone else. Dressing Before Circle: Bump ‘N Grinder. Also put her shirt on backward. Not sure how that was detected by another chick unless she was checking out BNG. Saw a seam or semen stain or something on a black shirt in a dark bar—hmmm. HTS checked to see if BNG’s thong was inside out. Get This (new category for this rehash only): The Unalicker, the perennial holder of Wiley, got lonely and started playing with his anatomically enhanced Purple Passion Pistol. Somehow, she had a needle in it upon which she chipped a tooth. A couple lessons there, to include:
Somehow Best Blow also drank for that one, I think. (If you want the full story, see Una.) MGNs: Blue Balls, Fecal Competitive Shirt: Una Found on Trail: Una’s badge that is supposed to say ‘Sergeant-At-Arms’ but says ‘Sheriff’ instead. There was a convoluted story about HTS being responsible for losing it as a one-time assistant S@A, but as we always said in the old brown shoe Army: You’re responsible for your people, good or bad. So drink! HTS actually did the down-down without any lawyerly quibbles. (Is he getting soft, was he just that guilty, or maybe Una has beaten him into submission, just as she did with Mount Me Faster. Therefore, I suggest a renaming of Hot Tub Slut for his obsequiousness toward Unalicker. He should be hereby referred to as Hot Tub Licker.) Beat It found the badge, by the way. Headgear: Blue Balls for one of the down-downs. Temporarily Closed did something and drank. Has she reopened for business yet? Centurion Mugs: Gimp and Famunda. Hares drank with Gimp. Analversaries:
Birth Analversaries: Shutter Fucker and Suck This Hot Wax Me Officer drank for doing a flyer. Golden, having been left out, committed an alcohol abuse crime and did a ziggy zaggy. Una may have done another for complaining about HTL (the former HTS) for losing her badge. This really happened. (Scribe: Lube My Johnson) Hashers: |