ReHash 310 Beach Party Hash #4 by Lube My Johnson It’s me again, your ya ya hash sister. I’ve been feeling blue, not being able to talk with you since we left the hash circle tonight, so I’m putting this little message in a bottle, hoping that you think of me when you’re not thinking about how horrible men are. Give me a long-distance hug when you open it....Hugs! Gag! Enough of the femme side of hash-scribing. Here’s the brass tacks and bush whacks—ouch—of Beach Party Hash IV at Smurf Cincinnati. First, I would like a show of hands of all those who are color blind. One, two, looks like four. Would you look at that! They’re all haring today, too. Now don’t forget that reddish flour looks like dirt, dead grass and bare bushes, garbage, buildings, cars, and just about everything else that it might be placed on or near, except snow which is the one thing that we don’t have today. And don’t forget that it disappears in grass, leaves, and mud. You’ve done your chalk talk, right? Then you got ten minutes, after that we’re coming after you. Get going and remember the green one is the bottom light.... Our hares were the ever efficient Best Blow, dapper young Gourmet, the engaging Little Boy Blue Balls, and somebody else that escapes me. Oh yeah, Neon Knockers. I remember now because she insisted on being selected as the Mister Rehair, er, Mystery Hare. So, being on time, I missed the chalk talk where there was apparently a small novel written in gypsum describing some deception that took us all in and was so effective that everyone forgot about it until the circle, where it was promptly forgotten again. We Headed out and found some pretty tricky trail off the checks. Taking full advantage of the handicapped stickers on their color receptors, our wiley hares laid flour in the grass off the first (real) check, in two diverse directions. Lost on trail, we finally found what appeared to be trail, got lost again, were found, broke brush to the first BN which included beachy drinks. Butt Digger went wild with the booze and demanded to see Homofeeliac’s schniedelwutz. The pack closed in on the BN from at least two directions with several others not showing up or showing their schniedelwutz. On Out, we were more orderly, bypassing a YBF that SHOULD have gone through a tunnel. More shiggy. A ditch. Reddish dust marks in tall grass. Out onto pavement. Whew! I was getting glaucoma or maybe eczema just looking for trail in that last grass patch. Headwetter, a mid-pack FRB, knocked down Stinky Winky and Kunt Hunt in his zeal to get the hell out of the weeds. On the pavement, Penis Head went left and Eats It Raw and Got Crabs? (only you know if I got those correct) went right, which was right, so we followed them right into a check and a full pack YBF that was drawn cockeyed. More checks and shiggy after a creepy neighborhood where all the dogs were rabid and living in cages. Sounds like my old job. BN2 was more traditional with beer only. I don’t think Fudge Tracker was there, but we did find a tuft of white fur that appeared to be human whiskers, which we assumed was evidence that he had been through already. At the BN we met up with Hot Tub Slut and Jean, who had decided to join the pack for the final leg into the A. Their story was that they nearly snared the hares, but HTS felt sorry for them or “it wouldn’t be right” or words to that effect, so he did not give chase when he spotted them. If he doesn’t drink until June for that excuse (take it from a doctorate holder in excusology), then he should be pulling needles out of Wiley. El Commandante Unalicker, could you give a demonstration of how not to do it? Do You Feel Wutz, who had not been acting himself all day, asked Little Ho’ On The Side where her schniedelwutz was. Mystic Blow pointed at Anal Vice and said that he really put the schniedel in wutz. On Out. More reddish flour in tall grass. Back onto pavement for a short way and into the Serf Sincinnati site. Done. Now let’s go to the water park. It’s closed? I deflated my floaties and we regrouped, Heading to Poor Michael’s bar where we were told by some unknown not to throw darts in the circle. Slings and arrows were acceptable. Circle opened after a good deal of snacking that did not end during the circle. Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac led the songs and Gashole led the circle. Hares got it mainly for their dusty rose color selection along with the misoriented YBF marking. MIA: Jeweless, Damaged Goods, Do You Feel Peter, Little Ho’ On The Side Visitor: Schniedelwutz from Zambia, brother of Kunt Hunt. Things got 2 fast and 2 furious for me to get all the names and crime from here on out. Late: Lube and some others? Bowling On Trail: Gashole (this was a Unalicker category of crime). Technology On Trail: Organ Grinder for a GPS. Whining: Butt Digger. Leaving Circle Early: Una, Mount Me Faster and Kunt Hunt. Unknown Evil: Eats It Raw. Not being at BN 1: HTS, Jean, Dah Gimp, Got Crabs?, Fudge Tracker. No Whistle: Lube, Gashole (not sure about that one). At least I had an excuse today. Some remarked that we were a little light on blowing...whistles. MGNs (for those of you not reading your rehashes, that means mother given names): Beat It, Damaged Goods. Competitive: Lube and Fudge. Triple X offered to suck the suds out of our newly barbate hasher’s adornment. He declined reluctantly, because, he said, beer makes for a fully, healthy-looking beard.* The All-New 2nd Hash Offense: Jean and Joe. Ziggy Zaggy for Joe: Gashole (who, by the way, was drinking BEER!!!! this hash). No Beach Wear: Headwetter, Gashole, Lube, Organ Grinder, and about a half dozen other offenders punished or unpunished. Bump N Grinder Offense: Bump N Grinder. This category is for showing up late to the circle dressed to be undressed. PHead remarked about her ho-ley shirt. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. Grand Masters drank for the comment. Competitive Shirt: HTS. Caught when trying to make some point in the circle. Phone in Circle: Una. Centurion Mugs: Neon, Gourmet, Best Blow. Ziggy Zaggy for something: Gashole. Beaten By Wife: Jeweless, who then claimed it was because “she swallows.” You have to remember that I write down just about everything, unless I’m drinking. Beer Bitches Not Wearing Their Beer Bitch Shirts: The Beer Bitches (Beat It, Blue Balls). Cat Fight In Circle: Gourmet & Mystic Blow. Long Msg Not Found On Trail: Fudge (not sure about that note, but I think it was an excuse to take pictures from the center of the circle). Just in case you were wondering, he WAS wearing his pants for at least the last two photos that I saw him snap. Analversaries: 25 MMF 40 Kunt Hunt 60 Strox Cox Baxwards 65 Lube My Johnson 110 Butt Digger Hare (25) Gourmet (all hares drink Killians, at least that’s what we told them) Wiley: I would like to point out here that Una undressed Wiley—what is it with her and that doll? Anyway, all she put on him was a smile. Una nominated HTS for his failure-to-snare offense. Una ended up with Wiley. Announcements: Neon announced that she was giving away pictures of herself. Neon then walked around looking for someone to help her remove a shirt, which Organ did. What’s gotten into that girl? Best Blow has his Feb bar hopper going. Peter has an 80s party and there were many others that should be going out via email. Quarter Barrel announced the Dayton upcoming and bared his schniedelwutz instead of his chest for once. RA drank for the weather. Schniedelwutz led the song (no, really!). Oh, yeah. And Una tried to pimp me into saying something in the rehash about her being a big-time FRB this hash, but nothin’ doin’ here, sister. You gotta EARN the right to be mentioned as FRB. Do you think that I would just write something like, “Una was the biggest FRB this side of the Little Miami River today” just because you say so? I would never, ouch, say that just ‘cause, ouch, Una told me to, ouch, give her a big write-up, ouch, for being a hot-shot, cumpetitive FRB this hash. You can’t make me! Ouch, ouch. Mama! Okay, OKAY. ‘Una was FRBing it this hash.’ Your Scribe, Lube My Johnson * Note: If you have not figured out what ‘barbate’ means from my huge clue, please call me about some Enron stock that I would like to unload cheap. My List of Hashers to Be Confirmed by Stinky: Anal Vice Beat It Best Blow Butt Digger Dah Gimp Damaged Goods Do You Feel Peter Eats It Raw Fudge Tracker Gas Hole Got Crabs? Gourmet Head Wetter Homo Feeliac Hot Tub Slut Jean NHN Woll Jeweless Joe NHN Mandl Kunt Hunt Little Boy Blue Balls Little Ho' On The Side Lube My Johnson Mount Me Faster Mystic Blow Neon Knockers Organ Grinder Penis Head Quarter Barrel Schniedelwutz Stinky Winkie stroX coX baXwards The Unalicker Wile E. Coyote Late Cummer Extraordinaire: Bump N Grinder