Hash 340 The 1st (Potentially Anal) SCH4 Pirate and 9th Analversary Hash Hares: Best Blow, Little Boy Blue Balls, The Unalicker Thar she blows!!! Ah, the call of a happy hasher approaching the end of a good hash, full of innuendo and false hope—that the trail is ending, not that she’s really doing such a thing. There we were, wondering who was going to be first to act like a pirate and ravish the cabin boy, I Repo Shit, who happened to be dressed not like a Pirate of Penzance but of Mens’ Pants or maybe as Gay Blade Peter Pan. In any case, Gourmet got a hernia while ravishing, so the idea was shelved until later. Gourmet was heard to mutter something about “no birthday-suited present again this year.” The crowd was gathered in much pirate attire. There was When Hairy Met Chunky who had the skull and crossbones flag, Hot Tub Slut and Eats It Raw had eye patches, Gourmet a bloody stump and hook (good for catching cabin boys), and Vommitt Dog a tricorn hat and a chest without any doubloons inside or hair outside. No Hair of the Dog for this run up the coast. Aye, a sorry lot, indeed. A confession before I walk the plank of historiography: Most of my notes make no sense, so I will try to recreate what happened from the bits I have. The hash was waiting for the hares to finally set sail when Kunt Hunt admitted that “Una dressed me, I just hope she doesn’t undress me.” Wrong Nut volunteered to stand in for the diaper change but when he saw the size of Una’s safety pins (don’t ask me where she keeps them), he thought otherwise. Someone was excited at having an appendage dripping alcohol. It must not have been very big, because I seemed to be the only one who noticed, and I didn’t see who it was anyway. Ho hum! Yoho! Vommitt exclaimed, “I feel like a fag.” Check him out in the group photo and see if you agree. After the group photo, the hares disembarked but no one asked for Bark Buffer, so he needs to show more often. The pack shoved off ten minutes later and stayed close to trail. More Leggs had a limo beer near (BN) that I cannot recall but notes say that pirating is a moveable feast and so is hashing. We drank, we sang chanteys, made IRS dance for us, and then slit More Leggs’ throat for not having grog. We notched our cutlasses once again. At the next BN, we were hosted by Michelle the bar wench and Chester the Molester—a torso with eyes for areolas that caught our eyes. Quarter Barrel started a staring contest and nearly lost. On out we went across the river, no boats or dinghies used, that I saw. I certainly didn’t use mine. We hit one more rally and beer near before raiding the Oktoberfest. Anal Vice remarked that he hadn’t had a cold beer yet. Stinky Winky apparently talked about his piercings. We dashed through the crowd of the Oktoberfest and lost no one. We took no prisoners, either. I must point out that many stickers were taken then displayed a bit too joyously. I admit grabbing one but discarded it. We’ve already had too many politics this year for it to infiltrate the hash. This pirate feels those things can bog down a good raid. The next BN was to be on the waterfront before retiring to the On-In. However, there was a dick on the dock, so we shoved off again after keelhauling the little barnacle. We reconvened on the a short way up river where we opened the circle after floating a few gifts down to dock dick. Hares drank for shitty trail. Visitors were Eats A Bloody Bitch and 101 Things To Do With My Boobs. We found 102 but decided against a name change. Both visitors were from St. Louis, the big hump. Upon hearing this, QB did some humping of 101. NHN (no hash name) Ann of Dah Moine came with Body Fluid Hazard. There was a YoHo song and apparently a retarded monkey impression by IRS. Other hare crimes were drunk. Fagwhore used erections from the hyper, which was his excuse for cumming late. QB’s excuse was going down the wrong interstate. Playing with meat during the circle were Scooby Do Me, Beat It, and Curdled Cum. MGN: The Unalicker, IRS, Hot Tub Slut, Best Blow, QB, Little Boy Blue Balls. Lost sword was Una and Blue Balls. I was just glad that only plastic swords were lost that day. Hares drank for running by a bar and the Hofbraeuhaus. IRS commented that Una’s (?) accent was “just south of Canada and just north of gay. Welcome to Gaytown, population you.” MIA were 69a, Fagwhore, 3 Way Time, Asscam, Porkless, Scooby Do, AV, BFH, Curdled Cum, Famunda. When Hairy Met Chunky got to the circle late for some reason. I noticed he was missing the black flag, so we were allowed to give quarter for the rest of circle. Analversaries: 25 Porkless, 30 Fagwhore, 69 for 69a, 75 Strox Cox Baxwards, 130 Famunda, 155 Eats It Raw, 190 Gourmet. 101 gave a headband to Porkless. Head! Who said head? He put it on his sword but if fell off. Best Blow had 200 hashes and got a trash bag jacket in lieu of leather, to the relief of Jennifer Aniston or whoever. 101 drank for good new songs. Hare analversary: 25 for Una. IRS inexplicably declaimed, “I’ve seen HTS in the shower.” Gimp changed clothes and Maureen did the same. They switched when Maureen discovered that she was wearing a thong and bra. Don’t ask. 3Way drank for being duped by a little girl into using her MGN. No Pirate Fu: Eats A Bloody Bitch, 3X, 69a, 101, AV, Asscam, NHN Ann, BFH, More Leggs. I have a note about a breast contest that 3 Way started but lost to VD, IRS, and Wrong Nut. I think Chester had ‘em all beat, but memories were as short as mammaries. For having hashed every year of the hash (this was the analversary of SCH4): Poo Packer, VD, Fudge Tracker, BFH, Best Blow, AV. QB showed his ass to passing riverboats. One sank. As for Wile E., Kunt Hunt lost his and HTS found it. I have a note about QB losing his virginity. I didn’t realize that more happened back there with Michelle and Chester than met my eyes. Birth analversaries: MMF, SSFF, and 3X. Very late were Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac and Mount Me Faster. We expected them to be a little disheveled, but they were dressed up instead. They drank for being overdressed and for cumming late or not at all. To save their honor, they claimed that they were cumming from the probation office and that the ankle bracelet was off. Your Scribe, Lube My Johnson Extras: Noms de guerre: Best Blow HO HO HO & a bottle of rum, Capt. Blimey Blue Beard Balls, The Unawencher From the site of the band by the same name: The phrase "hair of the dog" or more accurately, "the hair of the dog that bit you," goes back hundreds of years. Over the course of the band's existence so many people have asked us where we got our name that we decided to include the explanation on our website. This is the best explanation that we could find, although we have heard others. We like this one the best: Many, many years ago animal bites, and in particular dog bites, were very common and often led to nasty wounds, infection and even amputations (hey, you asked for it!) Medical science (at that time being a mixture of primitive text, folklore and superstition) had a somewhat dubious remedy. It was believed that if you could catch the very pooch that nipped you, you should cut off a bit of its hair. The hair was then used to make a paste or salve. The paste was applied to the wound as if it were medicine. Did it work? It probably had a positive psychological effect on some patients. Today, "the hair of the dog that bit you" has come to be associated with the drinking of alcoholic beverages to excess. It is commonly believed by drinkers that the best way to rid one's self of a hangover is to down a glass or two of whatever it was that you over-indulged in the previous evening. Growing up, we often heard people suggest a little "hair of the dog" to folks looking a little rough around the edges on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Attendees: 101 Things To Do With My Boobs Anal Vice Ann NHN Shelton Asscam Beat It Best Blow Butt Digger Curdled Cum Dah Gimp Eat A Bloody Bitch Eats It Raw Fagwhore Famunda Fudge Tracker Gourmet Hot Tub Slut Hot Wax Me Officer I Repo Shit Kunt Hunt Little Boy Blue Balls Lube My Johnson More Leggs Open Wide Poo Packer Porkless Pubic Zirconia Quarter Barrel Rocky The Flying Micro-Dick Squirrel Scooby Doo 'Em Sixty Nina Stinky Winkie stroX coX baXwards Sucks But Doesn't Swallow The Unalicker Three Way Time Video X Vommitt Dog When Hairy Met Chunky Wrong Nut