Hash 342 Headless Hash Hares: Hyper Hand Job, Got Crabs? On this date in 1793, Marie Antoinette lost her head. She gave her head to posterity. Many people get their head stuck in their posterior, explaining why headbutting is so popular these days. Anyway, ever since that fateful day, the French have had a tradition of brainless leaders and felt a special affinity for all headchoppers. Time for the hash to lose its heads. Heading to Reading, I was betting that the hash was already treading behind the leading hares. Okay, who said ‘leading’ with a short ‘e’? Don’t lie! I can see you. Since my head is no longer attached, it has become quite easy to keep my eyes on you. Check behind you. But not in your posterior, Frenchy. It’s already occupied. The theme was headgear to make fun of the losers (isn’t that superfluous?) in the French Devolution. That’s when they first started misspelling ‘whine’ then shipping it everywhere. Pepe Le Pew has always been my favorite Frog. At least he likes cats. And cats eat frogs, or at least they will when given a chance, so cats must be good. Hey, Jacque, meet my kitty. He’s really international, had lots of Spanish mice. Anyway, most of us hashers had headgear (hats). One hare, Hyper Hand Job, had a coon skin cap and kept sniffing the tail until someone told him to turn his hat around. Anal Vice had a camouflage chicken who has survived for years on a free range ranch because the protein deficient owners couldn’t see him well enough to catch him. Gourmet had, according to my notes, a panty head (lacy hat). Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac had a blonde wig. He even had a matching one on his head. Butt Digger had an Uncle Sam top hat. Turns out she was the rabbit that Eats It Raw pulled out. But did he pull his head out? Of course, I got there late. With no head, I couldn’t be expected to be punctual. We got onto a bridge into Lockland that had a boob-like check. The dots were on the same side of the X, so we figured it was a boob check for hunchbacks. None were present, so we hashed a-head. Soon the pack headed into a park with a SWAT and Firefighters’ display. Of course, the children were frightened. Thinking of them, Dah Gimp jumped onto a passing hay ride heading backward on trail. He had the presence of mind to get a few phone numbers after taking his roll in the hay. We found beer on the hay ride trail for the first Beer Near (BN). Gourmet had his arm in a sling. Someone asked him if it was from autosexing. Or would that be monosexing? Check with the hare o’ the day HHJ. Butt Digger passed out passing out chocolate. Pubic Zirconia had red hair from trying to hide his gray hair. We directed him to SSFF’s solution. Heading back into Reading, we found confusing trail and missed BN2. On on to the On In at the Coach’s Corner. IRS was sporting the man-nipple shirt. Hot Wax Me Officer was similarly dressed, making twins and turning a few heads, so to speak. HTS had been MIA the whole trail. My notes at this point make no sense. I must have lost my, you know. Anyway, I have that Wile E. was returned at the Datin’ 666 hash then lost by Quarter Barrel to an undisclosed location in Pennsylvania. Rusty Prick recovered him to QB then to AV then Kunt Hunt. That’s probably not right but neither is carrying a coyote with a prosthetic penis. Gashole was out, so we could open circle. Ziggy zaggy for a private party between Uncle Butt Digger and Fuckin’ Nuthin. Hares drank for a shitty trail. Visitor was La La from Hono Lu Lu who sings Lo Lo but rarely gets Lei Lei’ed. Hare crimes: having crib notes yet forgetting to brief something and an inexplicable triple nipple check (the hunchback boob check had a hairy mole that I missed). Late Cummers: Lube My Johnson, SSFF, Video X, plus all blondes due to The Unalicker’s usual intransigence. No Head Gear: Pubic (‘Red’), Next Time I Cum, Fudge Tracker, Una. Hare Crimes II: No train tracks, gaps in marks. Private Party II: Famunda, Butt Digger (somebody pull her head off). MIA: HTS for missing the previous week, which ended a streak of 155 in a row. HTS promised to streak in commemoration at the next hash. Autohashing: Gimp. Also going the wrong way (in more than one sense). Watching the Hayride: IRS. French Generals of the 20th Century who did not get spanked like a baby: No one. Cartwheels: La La. IRS hollered, “Somebody Dew Me.” Una dewd. Missing BN2: Hares for poor marking. Cumpetitive Medals: IRS, HTS. Technology: Organ Grinder. No Whistle: Video X. But she claimed that she got a few on trail. Mugs: Gimp. General Purpose (GP) and Mug: FN. Being a Ho: Mystic Blow. Beer Bitch Shirt Offense #74: Beat It, Little Boy Blue Balls. No Head Gear II: Mystic Blow. Princess Crown: Waxy (Nippy). French Cars Everyone Wants: Pass. Final Crime: Stinky Winkie and AV for somehow being involved with the US Beer Hall of Fame. Analversaries: 5 Video X & Up Chuck Fuck (La La claimed he had 5, to be verified), 35 IRS, 135 Fudge, 190 Beat It, 290 AV. Hare Analversary: 10 Got Crabs. Births: La La showed his butthead, I mean ass. Births not recorded. Clothes Left @ Wine Fest: Gimp. Clothes Left @ another hash: Gimp. Someone said he left a thong on the hayride. Stay tuned. Sling on Trail: Gourmet. Not Drinking: Eats It Raw. Alcohol Abuse: Butt Digger Attendees: Anal Vice Beat It Butt Digger Dah Gimp Eats It Raw Famunda Fudge Tracker Gas Hole Got Crabs? Gourmet Hot Tub Slut Hot Wax Me Officer Hyper Hand Job I Repo Shit Kunt Hunt Laa-Laa Little Boy Blue Balls Lube My Johnson Mystic Blow Next Time I Cum Organ Grinder Pubic Zirconia Scum Sucking Fecal Feeliac Stinky Winkie The Unalicker Up Chuck Phuck Video X